Who, what, where, how, and why? That’s kind of the basics of a story. If I was to write my story, the “who” would be me. The “what” would be me the alcoholic. The “where” would be AA, where I ended up getting sober. And the “how” would be in the BB . And the “why”?
It’s the how and why of it that makes me stop. Because the truth for me is that I don’t know how it works or why it works. Oh, that’s right. It works because it’s a spiritual program. But that’s the problem with all of this. I don’t feel spiritual. I don’t think along spiritual lines ordinarily. I know I don’t act spiritual, whatever that is. Yet, I believe I am growing along spiritual lines and that I must be somehow maintaining a spiritual condition I don’t know much about. I’m still sober and that seems to be the proof of all of this.
Talking to a couple of friends today, much of this came up. Especially the how and why of it.
We know, for instance, that we’ve changed since we came in. The personality change as the result of working these 12 Steps. The spiritual awakening or even the spiritual experience, which have changed our attitudes, our thoughts, our motivations, and our actions. The introduction of a higher power, the God of our understanding, which enabled us to begin this way of life we are now living. The true enjoyment we find in being sober. The love of one alcoholic for another, which is evidenced by our willingness to help one another. Our desire to stay sober and live a sober life.
We talked about our amazement at Bill W. and his ability to put together the BB in the way he did. He and the rest of the contributors to that book weren’t all that sober at that time. Yet it has become the basic text for us, who need and want to get sober. All that was written is still true. It’s logic, the words, the descriptions, the progression from the beginning to the last page is a wonder to someone like me. It worked for me and still does. I’ve seen the evidence in the rooms for years. How was he and the rest of those, who began this program able to do what they did? Drunks, so messed up, when they began this; people just like myself and so many others I know. We talked about how long it took each of us to finally get walking around sense. It took a long time that’s for sure. I’m not sure I have much of it even now.
Anyway I couldn’t help but sit down and reflect on this later. I guess I always will. It makes me think of it as miraculous. Nothing else can seem to explain it.