It’s a lot easier to be ambiguous in subject matter than specific. This way I’m sure of what I’m doing; I don’t know where I’m going.
I thought I might start with decisions. But that seemed too easy. There was the decision I made to drink in the first place. Then the decision to stop. There was the decision to take to this program and then the decision in the third step, to turn my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding. And then the decision to continue each day. All other decisions I’ve ever made pale in the face of these.
To continue…each day. Continue to grow along spiritual lines. To continue in darkness. The “desert” or the “wilderness”. Not to go back, but always forward. Not knowing exactly where I am or where I’m going. But having the faith, that no matter, that I’m on the right track. There ! is a lot of the spiritual in the word “trudging”.
Fortuanately, though this is an individual journey for each of us, we are never alone. “Without help it’s too much for us.” I am constantly in touch with those around me, who are on the same journey. Whether physically sitting in the group, or by thought or prayer, I am not alone. And then there are those unknowing moments, when we try to improve our concious contact with this God of our understanding. We are never alone. Those are the daily decisions we make to continue. It’s the proper use of the will, as Bill suggests.
Meanwhile, we are constantly faced with those decisions, which place us squarely in the “other” part of our daily lives. The ones which affect the lives of those around us. The ones that deal directly with our humanity. These directly affect the ups and downs of our lives in the here and now.&n!
bsp; This is where all the decisions above are placed in peril; or safety. Because I so often find as much failure as success. Of what am I thinking, or not, when I am faced with the making of such decisions? This is where the final part of the twelfth step comes into play. How am I doing? I can have all the high falooting goals and ideas I want, but if all the decisions I made, which I made concerning my goals in this program are not in play in my daily living, whether I succeed or fail, then I better sit down and talk with someone about where I think I’m going.
Only God is the judge of my life. But there are others on the jury. Those I live with on a daily basis. I don’t have to be perfect. I only have to be making progress. But who will tell me? Certainly not myself. A sponsor and others who I’ve opened my life to are my panel. A tenth step will provide me w! ith the content to offer for their assessment.
And then there’s this…each day that passes without taking a drink tells me that I have made the right decision for that day. That’s the best decision I can ever make.