A long time ago, I met a man in the program, who used to say that he was now a reasonably happy man. I remember thinking that’s what I wanted. To be a reasonably happy man.
I think about that lately. What on earth possessed me at one time, when I wanted more than my share of anything, including being happy? What on earth was wrong with me? For one thing, my ego. The other was gluttony. I should throw in, pride. I wanted to be able to drink all I wanted to. I wanted more money, success, fame, affection, love, sex, passion, etc. All without having earned any of it. I just wanted it all. And now, I was willing to settle for something within reason.
I had found the solution. A solution to my drinking problem and a solution to my living problem. Until I came to the program I didn’t know there was a solution. I didn’t even know to look for one. I was the steel ball stuck in a pinball machine of life. I was bouncing, out of control from one side to another. Trapped in an aimless life, with seemingly no way out. When I hit my bottom, I became willing to listen to anything, which would get me out of that trap.
Then I was willing to do anything. And the anything offered to me was a spiritual solution; the steps of AA. So, I was launched on a path that would lead me to another way of living and thinking. I was to look for a spiritual experience, which would bring about a psychic change. I was to undergo a complete change in personality and a new attitude, new motives, and to become empowered to live a new way of life. I was to experience a new freedom and a new happiness. Everything was going to change and yet nothing was to be changed.
But, I was also going to face a new set of problems, which were unforseen. In growing along spiritual lines, I was going to be introduced to gluttony, pride, arrogance, and a false sense of self. I once again wanted more than my due, more than my share. Spiritual pride, spiritual gluttony, a false sense of humility were to become a new source of enmity. Unguided in this new way of life, I was going to apply my old ideas. I was cocksure that I knew what to do. I had forgotten the warning; that in spiritual life it was dangerous to go it alone.
Thank God for the old timers, who kept repeating the message to keep it simple. Eventually it penetrated my closed mind. Thank God I remembered that man so many years ago. The word “reasonable” came back into focus. It reminded me that I was not so special. That of myself I am nothing. That whatever I am going to grow into that I am still just another alcoholic. That I am still subject to the human condition and that things can still happen, which will cause me to stumble and fail. That I am to avoid the highs and the lows of life and not to give into the emotions and moods offered by this life. Emotions and moods, which are an invitation to returning to a drink.
Simple things like perseverance and hope are the right antidote to the poison of the old insanity. Faith and love can overcome lunacy. Practicing and discipline are the way of maintenance. Prayer and meditation, within reason are the method. Seeking and listening to others gives me a channel to safety. What gifts are given are enough. I have to remember why I came here. I came to stop drinking. I have. The simple thing is the most spiritual; not to take a drink a day at a time. The rest is icing on the cake…but the cake is the substance.