Do you remember how it was for you, when you first came to this program? I do. In the first few months or so, there were others like me, who were just coming in for the first time. As time went on, we began to find each other, because most of us felt we were not quite part of the whole group of people, who had been there for a long time before we came. Eventually a lot of us thought of ourselves, like we did in school; we were the class of…
Over time, some of us began to notice that this one was not coming anymore. Then it was that one. Time went on, maybe a year or more, and another one or two disappeared. It happened over and over. In my “class”, it came down to the place where there were just two of us left. We’re, by the grace of God, still here. The two of us would talk about this from time to time. “I wonder what happened to so and so.” Then we would agree just h! ow fortunate the two of us were. Why were we still here and the others weren’t?
In the beginning we all might have thought there was something special about each one of us. I know that I did. After all, it was all about me. It was my alcoholism. Never mind anyone else. But still we all had conversations about how lucky we were to be away from the alcohol and what we were learning about ourselves and how to stay sober. Gradually we found ourselves talking about what was in the BB and the steps. We’d ride to meetings talking about this and back, still talking about these things. We’d meet for coffee and talk about these things. But still people would slip away and the “class” was getting smaller, inch by inch.
One day it occurred to some of us that there was nothing special about us. Maybe it was when only two of us were left. W! e were just garden variety drunks. Take away our “adventures” and what was left? We drank, got drunk, found we couldn’t stop, and then hit bottom. It was the same for all us. From Bill to Bob, the man on the bed, all the way down to us. And the solution was the same for all of us. Didn’t matter.
What mattered was what we did about it. And what we did was what everyone before us did. We all worked the steps. We went to meetings and got sponsors. We learned to follow directions.
I remember going out on a twelfth step call with the one, who’s still with me. We took the man out to get a cup of coffee. The man fell asleep at the table and my friend and I sat there talking. He raised the question about being constitutionally unable to be honest. He said he felt like he was one of those unfortunates. I told him that I felt the! same way. Somehow we arrived at a point where we decided that if we could think and say this that there must be an element of honesty in us. Maybe we could stay sober. And we have.
What makes us different from those who are no longer around? Everything about us was the same. But, there must have been something different. I can only guess. But I believe it was spelled out in the 5th chapter.
Some of them might have come back to different meetings and got sober. I don’t know. We can only hope. One I know of definitely. They died in dire circumstances. All alone and drinking still. I think about that from time to time. I always will.
Today we talked about our primary purpose. What a great reminder. I pray I may always remember and always be reminded. I need, also, to remind others, regardless of what they might think.
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