A friend of mine is observing his 29th year today. I’ve known this man since we went to college together. When he announces that he’s an alcoholic, I can say “amen to that.” We drank together a lot, and though we parted ways for years, we found each other again, when he came in. He never drank again, but I know he’s had his struggles…we all do.
I know I have had my share. In fact, I awoke this morning and knew that the guy on the bed was an alcoholic. I also knew that this was just the beginning of my day as an alcoholic. But I knew that I had no alcohol in my system. So what’s the problem? Me and (as Carl Jung would put it) my shadow. Put it another way, my character defects. Jung wouldn’t have put it that way. He would say the pure gold in me, also.
Bill W. would agree with that thought. So would my sponsor. He would tell me that I needed balance in my life. Like standing in the middle of a seesaw. On the one side my defects and the other my assets. LIfe I found, for me as an alcoholic, is a balancing act. If I wander too far to one side or the other, I’m headed for trouble. Either side could take me to a place I can’t afford to go. If I give into my feelings, or my emotions, or (worst of all) a mood, I’m going on a slide. The defects are going to pull me down into the consequences of guilt or remorse. Or, I could end up in self justification and go further down. The other side can pull me down into pride and self righteousness.
Bill put it this way. He said that, as we travel this road, we’re going to be tempted to wander off to the mountains of fools gold; pride and all the other things it brings into our life. He said on the other side is the temptation to wander off into the bog of despair and self pity. This is what happens when we are not paying attention to staying on the path we’ve been given. We all tend to slide and what’s a person to do? How will I know if I’m wandering and, if I do, who will help me get back?
In spiritual matters it’s dangerous to go it alone. When I go it alone, I end up on one side of the road or the other. I came into this program, as Bill put it, struck down and left in terrifying lonliness. I was alone and lonely and full of fear. I came in and was told that I never had to be alone again. I was offered not only the people who were here, but the company of a Higher Power; someone greater than myself, who could do for me what I could not do for myself. This Power would not only help me not drink again, but would empower me to live my life.
What is spiritual? Everything in my life. Not only have I been told this, but my experience has borne this out.
Today, at the “chip” meeting for anniversaries, there was a remarkable contrast. One man received his chip for 40 years. Another was a woman, who had eight years and who went up and received a chip for three months. The humility of both of these people was apparent, especially the young woman. When it came to her turn to speak, she attributed her fall to complacency. She also said that she was arguing with herself all the way up to the moment the giver of chips said, “90 days”. Her ego didn’t want her to go up there. She did.
I had to see both of these people.