Probably nothing contributed to the mental and spiritual health of the group today than the two men, who spoke up today. The one, who said he had a year and a half, before he went out again, was coming back after 13 years out there. The other had 8 or more years and was back after something like 16 years. Both had stopped going to meetings and were convinced they could do it themselves. I kind of got the message that nothing had improved since the last time I had a drink. I don’t think they were back because it was so much fun out there.
In fact, I went up to the one man and had a talk with him. He definitely knew he needed to be at this meeting and the man, who brought him has been around a while and was going to take him to a meeting tonight. I thought how fortunate both these men were that they were able to get back. I could only hope and pray that they will stay this time.
Another man at the meeting said that he could only guess how easy it was to get so comfortable, after a period of time, and think that everything was so ok that it was almost like we were doing this stuff ourselves and why not just stop going to meetings. What did we really need with this gang of people? Kind of like Rowland H., after he finished up with Dr. Jung. Bill said of him that he was convinced that he knew so much of his inner workings that he would never drink again. But he did, because Bill said that self knowledge was not enough to keep us sober.
The point of all of this is that, like another man said today, that the active alcoholic, the man who drank, the man who would always go back to a drink, is still there in each one of us. And the question for me is, what have I done today to keep this monster at bay? Bill warned us that there may come a time, when we will have no mental defense against that first drink. I’ve already had that experience. It’s burned into my conciousness. I know it’s possible.
The solution is always the same. It’s the elimination of all my high falootin ideas of my intellectual superiority. It’s simple. I need to seek and find a Higher Power and accept that I am dependent on His help to keep me sober. I have to remember this is a gift not of my making. That I didn’t earn this. If I got what I deserved, I wouldn’t be here. I have to thank this God of my understanding for this free gift, not so much in words, but in my actions this day. What have I done?