I was just talking to a guy I talk to and then to an old friend. The first man said that he felt a little “manicy”. Is there such a word. I guess so. But anyway, I mentioned it to the second man and we both agreed that a lot of us in here feel the same way from time to time.
It reminded me of the time I was a student at a University and we were taking a course in abnormal psychology. The professor sent us home one weekend with the assignment that we were to read the first three chapters on symptoms and not to go one page further. As part of that assignment we were not to discuss what we read with anyone else, including our classmates. Anyway, on Mon., as I was crossing the campus on my way to this class, an old friend caught up with me and asked me how I felt about what we had read. He said he felt that after that reading that he was as crazy as a loon. I told him I felt the same way. Of course when we got to class the professor said that we should all have had the same feelings because we all have the symptoms of abnormality. Except that ours were minimal, compared to someone who is mentally ill. Something like that.
But, when Bill W. tells us in the BB that the idea that we are like other men has to be smashed, I kind of think of what it says in the 5th chapter, about some of us suffering from grave mental and emotional disorders. I always say to myself, I’m right there.
Another good friend of mine said a long time ago, that she believes we alcoholics are wired wrong. I believe that. When I see what I’ve gone through since I’ve gotten sober and I talk to others, who have gone through some tough times, I tell myself that maybe the professor got it all wrong. Maybe some of us have a little bit more than minimal. Not maximum, but not minimum either.
Why am I talking about this? The discussion of going or not going to meetings came up today. I know how we can get, when we feel really good. A sense of complacency can set in very quickly and we can tell ourselves that we don’t need a meeting. Pretty soon we can get into a pattern of not going to meetings on a regular basis. Eventually meetings become intermittent and then none at all.
The same thing can happen when we’re feeling down and not so hot. It can become a struggle just to get off the couch. It’s almost like doing penance. We give in to the feeling and it becomes easier and easier. Not even our best friends in the program can convince us otherwise.
In both cases we need a little review of what got us here. Because both those situations can lead us to some negative thinking about personalities in the groups and even of the group itself. I’ve seen it happen to me and I’ve definitely seen it happen to others. Some have never made it back. And those who do can be a little out of joint when they do.
What I’m thinking about today is sobriety. What keeps us sober. I know full well that I can’t do this alone. I learned that a long time ago. I know that when Bill said that we’re ordinarily not people who get together, and that alcohol drove us to togetherness, he knew what he was talking about. In the very beginning, Dr. Bob said to Bill that the two of them alone wouldn’t make it unless they found someone else. Thus AA number three came into the picture and so on it went…until it reached us.
I went to a meeting today, because I had to hear what goes on when we don’t go. I went because I wanted to stay sober today. Sobriety makes me happy, despite how I feel.
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