Horrible word for people like us; discipline. I was thinking about this today, when a fairly young woman was talking about her drinking. She was a woman who was committed to her family and her work, but could not committ herself to sobriety. She said she had a few months back, after very many failed attempts at getting sober over twenty or so years of trying again and again. She said that she knew she had to go to meetings, but pretty much said she wouldn’t.
One old timer said that he had gone through the same thing. But from his own experience of many failed attempts over eight years, he said he knew it was from his alcohlism that he kept on drinking. He now has over 40 years sober. Yet, he always went to meetings, even when he was drinking, because he knew the answer was here.
One thing kept jumping out in my mind. The words of Dr. Harry Thieboult. “The discipline of surrender”. It is just that, isn’t it. I had to learn that and I know we all did. We might not know the description from his words, but we know it from the practice of this on a daily basis.
A disciple is one who is learning. The word discipline does not mean to punish, but to learn.
We all have to learn how to surrender. It’s not something we do naturally. I only learned surrender from many failed attempts to do so. The pain which came from not surrendering was how I learned to do it. I fear this young woman will learn the same thing in the same manner.
I shouldn’t say I fear it for her, because that’s how I got to this program. Pain. Suffering. It brought me to my knees and I gave up. It was the essential discipline needed to open my mind to another way of living.
As I was leaving the meeting and thinking about this woman’s predicament, another woman walked up to me. A woman I see often, who seems so eager to practice this program. She pulled me aside and said that she had drank a bottle of whiskey two days ago. It surprised me because I thought that she had grasped onto this program a year ago.
Then I thought about what the old timer said about this disease. I thought about how fortunate I was that pain had taught me the discipline of surrender. I, also, thought this could be me. Thank God is wasn’t. Not this day, anyway.
It caught my attention and I know that it’s just what I need to do. To pay attention to putting this program into action on a daily basis. It does take discipline for one like me who is so lazy.
Anyway, that’s what I was just thinking about.
The fish are biting.