Heard a wonderful story today from a good friend of mine. He was telling about this character we know. A big, gruff old timer, who seems to be able to rub others the wrong way. Everyone seems to have a story about him and a mostly negative attitude toward him.
Anyway, it seems my friend and this man were in a similar position of needing a job at the same time. It turned out to be a construction job. Both are big men and this job waa a very physically demanding job.
My friend really didn’t like this man and made no bones about it. For two days he wouldn’t speak to the man and the man only would talk to him in terms of “hey you”, when giving directions on how to do the job. But eventually something happened. They began to alternately bring coffee and donuts for each other and gradually they began to talk. By the end of two weeks they had become good friends.
My friend said that only in AA could this have happened and that he attributes the whole change in attitude on both of their parts to this program. I agree. I have seen this happen time and time again. It’s happened to me a number of times and others I have witnessed.
Something had to happen, which took the focus off of me, and let me see and begin to understand the other person. It didn’t happen overnight. I was so full of myself that my preudices and preconceived notions about others blocked me from being able to form relationships with others. In other words, I was still carrying around old ideas from my former life right along into the program. I had to begin to first let go of those old ideas, which kept me in a state of being in my infancy. I had to grow up and become an adult. But the process of maturing was painful and I was forced to face my fears of letting go of what I believed to be true and find out what was really the truth. And the truth was that I was dealing with others who suffered from the same disease I was suffering from.
I remember my sponsor giving me my first instructions in this process of growing up and letting go. There was a man, who came to this program before I did, who died of this disease. He was a man I hated from my former life and I couldn’t seem to forgive him. My sponsor pointed out to me that I was suffering from alcoholism and that I desperately wanted understanding from others, but was unwilling to understand this man, who was just like me.
From that point on, I began to develop a new attitude toward that man and others. But, like I said, it didn’t happen overnight. It took time.
I became willing to make the changes and let go, because I wanted to stay sober. I’m still makeing changes and still learning to let go, because I still want to stay sober.
always stay connected to friends.