One thing that Bill talks about a lot in the BB is our relationships. The 12&12, too. I think for us, who have any amount of time in this program, this problem of forming true friendships has been a handicap throughout our lives. Kind of like Sandy B., telling his story of his earliest childhood memory, where he finds himself sitting at the breakfast table, looking at his parents and his sister, and thinking, “who are these people?”.
My friend and I were talking about this on the way to the meeting and then at the meeting, this was one of the subjects. Now, why would anyone want to bring that topic up at an AA meeting? There we were, a roomfull of alcoholics, who have no idea on how to work relationships out on our own.
This problem with relationships probably contributed more to our drinking than anything else. Bill and all the others, who contributed their thoughts to the writing of the BB knew this and that’s why the book talks so much about this problem. After all, the fact is that there’s us and then all the other people in this world. Anger, resentment, conflict with all those other people fueled our drinking. Alcohol helped us bridge the gap between them and us. Or it drove us into isolation from others. In the end, Bill tells us, we were struck down and left in terrifying loneliness.
When I came into this program, I was filled with all kinds of junk from my past relationships. But then, the program offered me a solution, not only to the drink problem, but to my relationshp problems. I couldn’t get along with my wife, I didn’t know how to handle my children, I had problems with my bosses, my coworkers, my neighbors, and so on endlessly. I seemed to have been the proverbial tornado, tearing through the lives of others. But now, I was being given the opportunity to turn all of this around. I was being launched on that great adventure talked about in this program. I was to learn how to begin to repair these broken and troubled relationships and how to become one in a family, a worker among workers, a friend among friends. As a result I wouldn’t have to drink again.
But most of all, I was to learn how to have a relationship with the one friend I needed the most in my life, the one I had absented myself from throughout my drinking. The one I needed most, if I was to remain sober. The God of my understanding. My higher power. This was the solution.
Today, as I look around me at all these others in my life, I realize that I need to take care of the unmanageability I brought in with me. All these character defects of mine, which can rupture a relationship in a flash, I need to be aware of and take care of them through the process of the steps I have been given. The trap of resentment and anger, of self pity and the rejection of others is the formula for a drink. Envy, jealousy, and pride, or just indifference can blind me and set me up for a “slip”. I know that now, this moment. In the next moment I can forget all that I have learned here. I need to talk to others and listen to what they can offer me. I need to pray and ask for help.
I was thinking about this today and how valuable meetings are for me.