Bill W. was no stranger to going through difficulties in his sobriety. He was often writing on how depression caused him pain and suffering, and even entertained suicidal thoughts. But, he never drank. In fact, despite of all this, he continued to be an inspiration to thousands of alcoholics and to contribute greatly to the growth of AA. If anything, he helped thousands to see the possibility of staying sober, despite the difficulties faced by them.
Pain and suffering. Now there are two ideas, which seem so compatible with each other. Yet the truth is that pain is an inevitability. We are all going to have to face it sooner or later. It’s part of life. But suffering is another matter.
Pain doesn’t cause suffering. We do.
It’s difficult to separate the two. That’s up to us each individually. With the help of our higher power, and the support of others, we can learn how to deal with pain. Particularly psychic pain. Pain resulting from loss and emotional upsets. Stress and pressure from all sorts of sources. We all face that kind of pain; sometimes for extended periods of time. I know, because I’ve been through this kind of pain and even physical pain.
What helped me was the knowledge, given to me by my sponsor and the old timers, that this too shall pass. The proof of this is all around us, if we will but look and listen. I was also helped by others, who were willing to listen and counsel me. They gave me the support I needed at those times I was experiencing these things.
Why is this so important? Because behind all of these episodes was the very real potential to give up and take a drink. This is especially true, when I would add the overwhelming weight of suffering. Suffering is located in the area of my emotions. My attitude toward what occurred and how I reacted to this episode in my life. I’ve heard other old timers talk about this kind of experience and they view suffering as something outside the pain itself and piled on by our own thinking.
I know that my individual drive to remain sober has saved me from a lot of suffering. Doesn’t mean that I always succeeded, but I do know that I was often rescued from self imposed suffering and the pain itself shortened by surrender and acceptance and the help available to me through this program.
Bill tells us in the 7th Step in the 12&12 what the real answer is to help prevent relapse; it’s humility. He tells us that humility, sought for its own sake, will alleviate and remove the pain. That’s a tough proposition for an alcoholic like myself, who suffers greatly from so much self centeredness. But, I have learned it is do-able.
Anyway, I was thinking about this today.