We were talking about the Twelfth Step today. I heard an awful lot of good stuff, as it went around the room. But I was particularly struck by one person, who, when talking about a spiritual awakening, spoke about being spiritually bankrupt. I was thinking about this when I got home today. Spiritually bankrupt. I know I’ve said this many times before that I was spiritually bankrupt, when I came in, but what did that mean?
A friend of mine and I talked about this on the way home. He said that when he was drinking that he totally lacked all principles. Every time he drank his principles went out the window. And when he sobered up they all came back and he would end up drinking out of guilt and the cycle would repeat itself over and over. I was the same.
When I got here, I was devastated by the kind of life I had led out there. I couldn’t believe that I had lived that way. It went against everything I believed in. I had violated every principle I had been raised to hold to. I had been trained in theology and philosophy and threw them all to one side, as a result of my drinking.
But all that changed, when I was introduced to the 12 Steps. I was restored to a principled life, the result of which was that I did have a spiritual awakening. My life has been changed and I have been changed. I’m not that man, who walked through these doors. I don’t think or act the way I did. Instead I find myself often thinking about others rather than myself. I am willing to sacrifice my wants and needs for someone else. I am grateful for what I do have rather than what I want. Negative thinking has been replaced by thoughts of hope and faith. The good rather than the bad.
None of this was an overnight journey. It took time. It was like being an athlete, who had let himself go and his muscles atrophying from lack of use and abuse. Just like that athlete, the introduction to applying physical exercise once again, was often painful and took time to get used to the routine of returning to physical well being. So too with the spiritual exercises. My spiritual muscles had been so dormant for so long that I resisted the discipline necessary to recover my spiritual health. There were a lot of delays along the way. Like the BB said that at some of these we balked.
But each step I took began to build up the necessary strength and courage to go to the next step. However the level of difficulty increased as I grew stronger, until I finally arrived at the Twelfth Step. And the wonder is that without my knowing it, I had changed from the process. I was sober and thinking sober thoughts.
Another friend of mine had come up to me after the meeting and said that in talking about this step today that he became aware that he had been reviewing the other steps which led him to this Twelfth Step. So had I and I’m sure a lot of others. There was a lot of expression of gratitude in the meeting today, during the meeting and afterward.
I was thinking about gratitude as I write this. I have so much for which to be grateful.