I was reminded today by a friend that, when I forget my character defects, they seem to creep up on me and can take over my life. My sober life.
We were talking about the Sixth Step. Particularly the passage in the 12&12, where Bill warns us how dangerous it can be to stubbornly hang on to some of the worst of these defects. They can certainly get us drunk again. He uses the word “fatal”. I’m reminded of his words in the BB, where he says that for us to drink again is to die.
Though pride leads the list, I am reminded that fear underlies almost all of our defects. Self centered fear. I have experienced that self centered fear over and over and it always sets off one of my defects. This is especially true of pride, my ego, followed almost always by anger of some sort. And that is dangerous for me. It can blind me and deafen me to reason and cut me off from the solution.
From my own experience and talking and listening to others, I know, not only the difficulties I often face, but what the answer is. The first is to acquire some degree of humility. Like Bill says, we have to get more humility in our lives, as we go on, or we may not be able to stay sober. It also means that I have to pay attention to the Tenth Step. For me, it is particularly the spot check. What’s going on right now. And, of course, the Seventh Step.
But most of all, I have to go to meetings and be reminded of what it is that, not only can lead me back to a drink, but what it is that keeps me sober. I have to remember that it is the process of growing along spiritual lines and surrendering my ego to my higher power. I can do this by putting myself aside and working with another.
The alcoholic within me is still there. I have but a daily reprieve. I was thinking of this today and grateful that a friend reminded me of this.