The opposite of insanity of forgetting is, of course, the sanity of remembering. Through working these Steps into my life, I now remember what the drink did to me. I remember clearly the awful consequences, which followed from drinking. There seems to be a clear reaction within concerning the thought of a drink, which prevents a lapse back into forgetfulness and picking up a drink for some trivial excuse.
I was thinking of Jim’s story, where he had lost his family, lost his business, and ended up in a mental institution. Bill commented that you would think, faced with all these terrible consequences, that Jim would never want to drink again. But Jim did forget and for the trivial excuse of taking a shot in milk and convincing himself that it would be safe to do so, he drank again and the consequences were worse. Looking back from the outside it was an insane act. But none of us were in Jim’s shoes at that moment.
Jim obviously had not attained that restoration to sanity. And Bill tells us why he failed. He said that Jim had failed to enlarge his spiritual life. In short, I would guess, that Jim had failed to work the 12 Steps.
I know for myself and what I have learned from others, is that I don’t have to go and climb a mountain top for spiritual enlightenment. I don’t have to read and study all the books in the libraries to learn how to enlarge my spiritual life. I don’t have to seclude myself in a monastary. I only have to follow the guidelines in the BB. I only have to work the steps into my life on a daily basis to continue to enlarge my spiritual life. It’s that simple, but not always easy.
It only requires commitment and my willingness on my part. It’s not a one time affair. But it’s not all that complicated. It’s, like I said, simple. The only difficulty I find is a way to get around myself. That’s my only impediment; me. My ego, my pride, my infernal stubborness and rebellion. And it all starts in my head. My distortion of reality starts in my mind. It can come from self pity, guilt, remorse, anger, resentments and a host of other defects lurking and waiting for me to go off by myself and avoid the counsel of others. It can start with just one element of insanity; forgetting.
I know I need to be willing to remember on a daily basis. Not just what alcohol did to me, but what AA has given me over time. It gave me a new way of life. It restored me to sanity. It gave me a freedom I have never known before. A happiness and the joy of living. And all I have to do is to bring willingness each and everyday.
I was thinking that this day I will remember.