Way back, a long time ago, I remember one old timer, talking at a meeting about the 11th Step. He said that he believed meetings were a meditation. I remember, after he had said this, I thought about this a lot. I still think about it. I’ve come to the conclusion over a long period of time that he was probably right. I often use meetings as a moment of meditation.
I was thinking about the 11th Step and meditation today. In fact, prayer and meditation. Seeking knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry it out. Those words in themselves are a meditation. At least for me and some others I have talked with about this step.
My thoughts from here on are just my thoughts. They’re my experience and what I have gleaned from others in our conversations. For all of the fact that this program is basically spiritual, this step seems to give a lot of us a great deal of discomfort. Especially when it comes to the practice of meditation.
Some have told me that they don’t really meditate, because they know nothing about it. Others, because it seems to be so difficult.
In my experience the difficulty I find in myself is that I lack the discipline to really practice this. To me it’s like jogging. No joke. The University of Md. did a study on jogging. They found that those who went jogging in pairs or groups tended to continue the practice. Those who chose to do it alone eventually tailed off and finally stopped it altogether. For me I have found it the same. When I meditated in a group or with someone else participating, I did it on a regular basis. When I did it alone, I got the same results as the solitary jogger.
The discipline of surrender, or any required discipline to practice these steps and the principles of this program do not come from myself. Left alone, I can become entirely undisciplined about anything. In fact I can become self will run riot in every aspect of my life. That’s why, to me, the We of this program is so important. We can do together what I cannot do alone. That’s one of the reasons, and the main one, why meetings I believe are so important. Left to my own devices I know I could self destruct and drink again.
I went to the dictionary and looked up meditation. One of the definitions spoke directly to what we as recovering alcoholics in AA seek. A spritual awakening. Having applied the first 10 Steps to our lives, we enter into the 11th Step. Having done a lot of what these steps require of us, we have cleared away a lot of impediments, especially, as the 10th says, we’ve stopped fighting everyone and everything, including alcohol. Our minds and hearts are open and have been prepared, like never before, to enter into prayer and meditation. And, when we arrive at the 12th, we’ve had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps.
Am I able to meditate while everyone is talking at a meeting? After all we are gathered in a group, such as the original members did to meditate. In Tradition 3, it tells the story of Ed the atheist. After his slip he came back to one of the men’s houses and sneaked into bed. The next morning, it tells us, he comes down the stairs, surprises the men sitting around the kitchen table, and asks them “Have you fellows had your morning meditation?”
Anyway, I was thinking about this today. For me, it’s part of practicing these principles in all of our affairs and doing what is necessary to stay sober a day at a time.