Sitting in the meeting today, someone said they didn’t know what they were doing there. That was because, they said, they weren’t sure they were an alcoholic. That brought up a remark by one old timer, if you’re not sure, go back out and try some controlled drinking. A quote from the BB and some old timers I knew.
Another man said that there are no mistakes among those who come to meetings. After all, who would attend a meeting of alcoholics unless there was something there? A normal person wouldn’t even think of it.
It made me think about what Bill W. said in the 12&12 in the 1st Step. It was about our bottoms; the need for them. After all, he asks, who is going to be willing to work these 12 Steps of the program, unless we’re faced with certain death from alcohol. There are no accidents in this program.
But it did make me think. I thought about the time, when I was six months sober. I was in a meeting on a hot, humid evening in Maryland. The room was packed with alcoholics. It was stifling. I remember sitting in that room and thinking, “What the hell am I doing here? These are the drunks. These are the crazy people.” I hadn’t said a word. Just the thought. For some reason the man next to me leaned over and whispered in my ear, “You only have to come here just for today.” I don’t know how he knew what I was thinking, but it worked. The thought went away.
I can only guess, looking back, that the memory of my hitting my bottom must have come back. I was convinced of my alcoholism, when I came here. There was no doubt whatsoever. I knew I needed help and AA provided that help. I am so ever grateful for this program. It was here when I so desperately needed it. My bottom had to be a spiritual awakening.
I don’t know what will happen to that person, who spoke up today and didn’t know. All I know is that it was a reminder to me of how fortunate I have been to be here. This program not only got me sober, but it changed my whole life for the better. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me. May I always be grateful for the opportunity I have been given.