A friend of mine reminded me of something today. They said they were busy doing things. I agreed. It seems I’m so busy at times that I don’t have time for anything. Then I realized that the truth was I am always busy in my head. Too busy. If I would just stop thinking, I would have more time for what’s really important. First things first. My primary purpose for one.
I was told, when I came into this program, don’t think, don’t drink, and go to meetings. I was able to do the last two, but the first, don’t think, was almost impossible. My mind was racing all the time. And not with positive thoughts. I found it hard to put on the brakes. Then my sponsor presented me with the BB and told me, not only to read it, but to study it. When I did, though my alcohol soaked brain found it difficult to understand much of it, it did begin to slow me down.
That was the beginning of being able to turn off this too busy mind. I was to learn other things, which would help me along the way. And my thoughts were becoming more positive, as I began to absorb and understand the program.
One thing I came to understand was that, when my mind is too busy, I become vulnerable to reawakening my defects of character. My busy mind lets down my guard. I’m no longer aware of what’s going on around me and I’m open to all kinds of assaults from without. Fear and anger are the result. I’m unprepared and my pride becomes my only defense, because I am not conscious of my higher power.
My sponsor told me that, when I was too busy, I was too busy. That told me that I was headed for trouble. My thoughts were more positive. They were on sobriety and this program. But, as time went on, the busy-ness began to grow in my mind.
Eventually I was to learn from the 12 Steps of this program that there was a solution for what ailed me. That was the 11th Step; prayer and meditation. If I would but stop and step aside and sit in silence for a period of time, my busy thinking is slowed and sometimes comes to peace. I’m at least aware of my higher power and my reliance on him.
Anyway, after that conversation with my friend, I stopped and took the time to sit in silence. My mind is once again focused on what is important. My staying sober and the importance of my depending on a higher power, the God of my understanding.