My take on the changes that come over us, as a result of our working the Steps, are not always apparent to most of us. We very often don’t know that we have changed that much, unless someone points out the fact that we seem different.
I know for myself that I really didn’t see that I was changing. But I do remember people, who knew me, occasionally would remark on the fact that I seemed different. I remember one old friend, whom I met on the street one day, came up to me and asked me what I had done to myself. He kept trying to figure out what it was that was changed about me. A truly remarkable moment, after I had been sober a while.
I also remember a close friend of mine in the program, telling me of an incident, which surprised even him. He was in a boat on a lake nearby, when his engine broke down. He was helpless to move the boat one way or another and it was an extremely hot day. He said the heat was overwhelming. Then another boat came along and asked if he needed help. The man offered him a tow and at the same time remarked that he could see how hot my friend was and offered him a cold beer. My friend said, “Yes. Thanks.” But the words came out “No thanks.” He was absolutely amazed by this. He didn’t drink. Talk about a change. A change of which even he wasn’t aware.
Talking to another friend today, he was telling me about the results of working the Steps and especially meditation. He said, like the man in the boat, he was amazed by what was going on in his relationships. He said that what would ordinarily irritate him into a negative reaction, were now bringing words out of his mouth, to his amazement, which were kind and caring to the person involved.
Most of the time I know that I have changed, but really don’t feel different. My thoughts are more program oriented, but sometimes old thoughts and reactions seem to ache to come back. And then when the time comes for negative responses or actions, the opposite comes to the surface.
What is probably more apparent to myself and the sober people I know is that I and they are not the same persons, who came into this program. Nothing has made any of us drink since we came into this program. What would have ordinarily brought a drunk on in the past has never affected us, since we have begun to practice this program. Something has changed.
I know that I never think about a drink. Really, ever. I know others who tell me and others the same thing. Talk about a change. And all of this is the result of what I know as the spirituality this program has entered into my life and my consciousness. Almost all the people I know, who are sober are willing to talk about the role spirituality has played in their lives.
Today we were talking about changes in our relationships and prayer. Most talked about the prayer. So many admitted that before the program prayer was really non existent in their lives. How many struggled to overcome their biases and prejudice to reach a point, where prayer became possible. All reported changes in attitudes and their lives as a result of saying prayers.
I identified with much of what was being said and remembered a line someone once said. In response to a question by someone, who said they didn’t know how to pray, this person simply said, “Just say what’s in your heart”. Good advice.