I was thinking about love tonight. All kinds of love. The love of friends, one for another. Tough love, perhaps the same thing. The love of one alcoholic for another.
I had experienced that love of friends earlier today. A couple of long time friends of mine in this program expressed their love for me and myself for them. We have helped each other in staying sober.
But it was tough love that came this afternoon. I got a call from a man, who was obviously drinking. He called to tell me his story of how innocent he was and how everyone else was messing with his life. My sponsor told me a long time ago that, when I got such calls, I was not there to entertain them. And I didn’t.
I told him to stop. I asked him if he was interested in getting sober. That if he wanted to get sober he needed to get himself to a meeting, where someone would give him a helping hand. If he wasn’t interested, then there was nothing anyone of us could do for him.
After he hung up, I sat and thought of just how powerless I am. If someone wants what we have, I’m willing to do whatever it is that will help. But, if they don’t want it, there’s nothing any of us can do. We’re powerless.
That doesn’t diminish the caring. I’m always interested in the drunk. I know what it is to be that way. I can never forget. I always have hope that, when the drunk shows up, that somehow they’ll find what I found. Hope. Hope that there is a solution and that I can grab onto that solution.
I’ve seen some come in and fight everyone and everything, trying to find a way to do it themselves, with the hopes that somehow they won’t have to stop drinking. I’ve seen some of these change right before my eyes. Amazing. Then I’ve seen others, intelligent, sharp, and seemingly interested in everything this program has to offer. And I’ve seen them back out in a barroom. Too smart for their own good.
I’ve seen some tough, hard, old timers. Stepping up to a new man. grouchy and tough talking the man down. And guess what? It worked. It knocked all the resistance out of the man and opened him to what this program had to offer him. The solution. They seemed to know just what that man needed. By the way, I was one of the recipients of such a greeting. Thank God I got the message. I’m sober because I did.
Now that was tough love. I learned later that these men really cared whether I got sober. They seemed to knows just what to say and how to do it and when. I’ve always been grateful.
Anyway, I was thinking about this. Sometimes we need the obviously warm and caring support of a friend to help us along the way in our sobriety. At others we need that tough love. Someone to get us out of the self serving, self centered place we’re stuck in. To deflate our ego and get us back up and moving forward again. Both are love and both help us to stay sober. And both make me grateful for the one, who delivers that kind of love to me. I hope I may do the same, when I’m called upon to give it.