I remember a long time ago I heard those words “self righteousness”. At the time I was surprised. I had never thought of myself as self righteous. Later that day I sat down and thought about those words. Guess what? They fit me perfectly.
Tonight I was glancing through the 12&12 and came across Bill’s words in the 6th Step. He talks about self righteous anger as a source of joy to those of us, who suffer from this defect. It makes us feel superior to those who annoy us.
I’m not sure that I’ve examined it that closely before, but it does ring a bell.
The reason I was thinking about this is that someone I know just died from alcoholism. Not that she was the subject of my self righteousness. She never was. But it was the fact that alcohol killed her, as I know it will me, if I ever take a drink again. And it’s this kind of thing within me, perhaps within us all, that could be the very instrument to take me back down that road.
I happened to be talking to a woman today, who is way over half a century sober in AA. An old friend of mine. We were talking about anger and how deep down within us that old drunk is quietly resting and waiting. And when anger arises within that it wakes that guy up. We both chuckled at the thought, but I know we both knew the truth of that.
Not to long ago that old guy was awakened in me. A sleeping tiger ready to pounce. My self righteous anger came out in force to the surface. When it did I knew that I was headed for trouble and had to talk with someone and get it out. I also had to pray and ask for help from my higher power. The thought of a drink wasn’t present, but that unmanageable life and that old insanity was.
I told my old friend about the incident and she identified with me. Imagine. Long time sobriety and our defects are still down there. Maybe that’s why I looked at the 6th Step tonight. A reminder of these tools, which AA has given us to help us to manage our lives and stay sober.
Anyway, just thinking about this fault tonight. Still thinking about sobriety.