I’d rather be right than happy! I remember, when old timers would say that.
When I came in I had never heard that before. What were they talking about? Then, as time went on, I began to realize what they were saying. Often I would find myself burned up, angry, because I thought I was right. Others were wrong, but I was right. Why couldn’t they understand that? It wasn’t fair.
And that’s when my sponsor said to me, “Who said that life was fair?” That was during my “whining period” in this program. I was always complaining. Unhappy.
Was I right? My sponsor would just smile and shake his head. I was to learn that it really didn’t matter. That’s because it was all about me. I had to think I was right, whether I was or not. My self centered thinking blinded and deafened me. I was easily hurt, if someone said I was wrong.
What was the answer? I needed an answer or I just might drink again. I wasn’t thinking of a drink, but my thinking and my emotions were definitely keeping me on the path to go back to where I came from. Of course the 12 Steps had the power to change me and turn my life around. And they did.
First I was to come to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. And then I finally surrendered and turned my life and will over to the care of a God of my understanding. In other words, the answer was spiritual. I was to learn the solution available to me would always be there, if only I would take the time to apply it to my life.
With the help of my sponsor and others, I was to learn to step aside and let things go. To stop arguing. To keep my mouth shut and to keep my mind free of thinking in absolutes. I was to learn just how powerless I really was. I came to understand what the words, that my life was unmanageable, meant.
The 12th Step tells me that I’m to practice these principles in all of my affairs. How is that possible, if my mind is closed? Only and open mind makes this possible. And that’s where the spiritual awakening came in. It changed my thinking, my attitudes, my motives, and eventually my emotions began to mature.
Today I know that, if I will appeal to the spirit of this program, it doesn’t really matter what I think. What matters is whether I am willing to stay sober and do what is necessary to maintain this way of life. And, I am.