Every once in a while I will notice some slippage in the program I’m trying to practice. Particularly in what one friend calls the forgotten Steps. What are those? Steps 6 and 7.
As time goes by, I will find myself trying to handle my character defects on my own. And, when I do that, I find myself getting into trouble with myself.
I’ve learned over the years in the practice of these 12 Steps just what I’m able to do on my own and those defects with which I definitely need help. Yet I find myself careless and the worst of my defects popping up and me trying to handle them on my own. Anger for instance and resentments coming from within.
Of course I know I’m imperfect and that I’m a long way from any complete form of humility and reliance consistently on my higher power. It definitely tests my patience with myself and my sanity.
Everyday I try to remember to start my day with the 3rd Step prayer and to think about the 2nd Step. For the most part it works for me, but it’s at those moments, when I’ve let my guard down that I’m most vulnerable. It’s because I forgot to be aware of my need for and the dependence on the God of my understanding.
Anyway, I had to think about this tonight, because I saw myself starting down that old road again, where my temper began to steam and a resentment me, myself, and I thought I was in control of, began to push itself to the surface. You’d think I’d have at least gotten a clue about this by now.
But now that I’ve finally sat down and began to contemplate on this, I’m reminded once again of why I am here. I’m here to stay sober and to practice this program. And this includes appealing to my higher power for the help I need. If I would do this before anything happens, I know I’m in a better place.