Today I was thinking about what it is that I’m doing to stay sober today? Nothing special, that’s for sure. But what I was thinking was what am I willing to do to stay sober?
And there’s that word “willing”. For me it’s kind of like what happens, when the thought of sitting quietly and meditating comes up. I know I’m not always that willing. It’s kind of like getting ready to dive into a cold river. I know once that I get in it’s not all that bad. But standing on the dock and making the decision to go in is where the problem lies.
I remember back, when I was asked by my sponsor to what lengths was I willing to go to stay sober? My answer then was that I was willing to go to any lengths. After all, I was so desperate to stop drinking, I would have done anything he asked of me. Question is, have I forgotten how that was?
Anyway, as I sit here thinking about this now, I’m convinced that I should be ready to answer the call to willingness. And, what if that willingness doesn’t come immediately? I guess I’d have to do what I learned in here. To pray for the willingness to be willing. That in my experience has always worked.
Trouble is, as I see it, it’s so much easier to sit back and not bother. Just an indication to me how much sloth plays into my life along the way. But, just before I wrote this, a family member said that something was lost. I thought about that for a minute and then got up out of my chair and went out and found it. I guess I’m not so unwilling after all.
Thinking about staying sober. My primary purpose.