Somewhere, somehow. That came up twice today. Once in the 24 Hour a Day book and something a friend of mine, who has a long time in this program. Both of them, even though they weren’t directly related, in a way they were.
He was talking about how he didn’t know how all of this works. Life, sobriety, the human mind, the world, even the program. He wasn’t putting anything down. He simply said that he didn’t know and the longer he stayed sober the less he did know. Ditto for me. That little book was talking about prayer and sending it out into the void to somehow and somewhere to be heard.
Once again I must confess my ignorance of this spiritual life I want to live.
To wake up each day and find myself sober. Free of alcohol and all the consequences it brought me and those around me. Having a choice to try to practice the Steps, seeking the will of my Higher Power, and hoping that I can remember that and try to do the next right thing. And, of course, still being human, often stumbling over myself and falling. And then remembering what my sponsor told me. Pick myself up, dust myself off and keep on going.
How often I have to go to meetings and listen to the words of others, who are staying sober and practicing this program. It’s there that I believe I hear what my Higher Power has been trying to tell me. I find that, when I hear others talking about the gifts they have found here, I am grateful. When they talk about how this program works and carry the AA message, the solution, I find healing. When they talk about letting go and letting God, I often find release. Relief from me. And, when they talk about our primary purpose, to stay sober and help another alcoholic, I find myself encouraged to do likewise.
None of this may seem very deep, but it’s enough for me this day. I know that I don’t know. That’s clear in my stumbling and bumbling. But like that little book said, to get myself out of the way and see the truth as I know it and ask for help. I guess that’s what I’m thinking about at the moment. Keeping it simple.
Anyway my mind is on staying sober.