Today we discussed fear and it’s answer. The 11th Step. Then afterward a friend of mine and I talked about this. What a gift to someone like me.
It’s a wonder to me that there are so many answers to a chronic alcoholic like me to be found in this program. With all my character defects, which we discussed, that bring about so many stumbling blocks and pain that there is a solution right under my nose. The fears that these bring up. The projection to the future and the past. And there it is in the 11th Step in the 12&12.
One of our members in the meeting brought up the prayer of St. Francis. Making a conscious contact with my Higher Power. The God of my understanding. Asking for the help I need and becoming willing to make the changes in my life to lead a better way of life. To be of help, not only to myself, but to others in my life. And to practice patience rather than demanding an instant answer.
Our conversation led both of us to hope. Hope that things can get better, despite my faults. And a faith in my Higher Power, as a result of hopes, which have been fulfilled in the past. My experiences in this program. Those spiritual awakenings which have happened again and again.
It brought back the memory of those times, when my self will drove me into a brick wall again and again. The pain, which brought about my being able to surrender my will for that of my Higher Power. The remembrance that what I can’t do for myself, that if I will turn it over and let go and let God, that I will get, not my answer to things, but God’s.
Kind of reminds me of that woman, who wrote Freedom From Bondage. The bondage of self I guess. I get all I need in this program. And when I get what I need I find it’s what I wanted all along.
Anyway, after our talk I had to sit down and think about all of this. And what we both wanted, as did the group today, is to stay sober one day at a time. And the lesson I learned once more: I can’t stay sober by myself. I need others just like me to help me do this. That’s makes me so grateful.