These past times have brought people up to me, who are suffering from their emotions. I have listened to some who have gone a long way down under the weight of these.
I talked to a man today out of town, I have known for a long time. He called to say he discovered what was going on and he wasn’t aware of. It was a form of fear, which has been provoked by emotions making him feel sorry for himself. He found himself depressed and full of self pity.
He’s not alone. I sure can remember being the same, way back in the program. I know for one thing my lack of honesty was part of this. My guilt and remorse were probably at some of the basics in this. Also my projections into the future stirred up a lot of these feelings, just as they were doing for my friend.
And I remember finally going to my old sponsor and telling him. That was because I slowly was becoming aware of what was at the end of the dark tunnel I was in. Possibly a drink, as I had seen from time to time in here. And I got a lot of help I needed so desperately.
One of those answers I received had to do with me stopping my day and starting it over again. I and so many others in here learned that from these old timers after we had been here a while and working this program. And, of course, that meant stepping back and going into privacy, if possible, praying and turning our lives and the day over to our Higher Power and asking for the help we needed. Again, if possible, to spend some time in meditation or contemplation. Being quiet. Then asking for help to change our attitudes from negative to positive. I always stop and think to myself that I needed to look in a mirror and say to myself, “You klutz, you’re nutz!” and laugh at myself.
And all of this, later on, led me, and again others, to begin to get honest with myself. The need to talk and share with others what I discovered going on with me. Part of this was always my ego and wanting to control everything and when I couldn’t I would fold up and feel sorry for myself. I had to begin to change this and start growing up, which I had failed to do.
Anyway we went into a lot of stuff, which always does something for me, when I have the opportunity to work with people like this. I somehow feel I get rewarded. A gift of peace and happiness. I always think that I’m not sure how much help I have indirectly provided to another. All I know is that I feel helped.
Of course, just like Dr. Jung pointed out to the young man, who had asked for help, in the chapter There Is A Solution, that the answer was spiritual. And that’s exactly where we went today. It’s always spiritual. The Second Step over and over again and again. My need for a Higher Power in my life to help me to change into a spiritual way of life. My sobriety depends on this. I never ever want to forget that.