I was reminded today of the statement in the Ninth Step in the BB. That the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.
Every time I have read that, or stop and think about it, it makes me feel a little ineffective. I mean I never can think of myself as spiritual. I know that I have received spiritual gifts in here. The restoration to sanity, the spiritual awakening, the promises, a new happiness and a new freedom. And, of course the release I was given from alcohol, as the result of surrendering to my being powerless. But the rest of it??
Sometimes I’ve had moments in this program, where I have been able to stop and sit quietly and contemplate. Still, even in that state, I am not able to feel spiritual. I often stop and meditate, as in the present moment, and yet my unspiritual mind is where I’m at.
And then I have to stop and think about what it is that I need to practice in here. One of them is hope. I need to look at the grace of hope in my life and how it has helped me. The hope I was given, which kept me from committing suicide to end my drinking, was one of the major moments of hope in my life. It led me to pray and ask the God of my understanding to free me from alcohol. And that was granted almost immediately.
And then I learned that I was to use hope to come to grow in faith in here. When hope is fulfilled I need to remember to begin to retain faith and grow in faith. Hopefully I have been doing that on a regular basis. Like accepting and believing in my sobriety a day at a time.
Finally I know that out of hope and faith I am to grow in love for my Higher Power and alcoholics like myself. Especially the new person. I know I had trouble with the concept of love and had to accept the word compassion. Caring for others. The Twelfth Step. To me that means not only the new person, but also my fellow members, who are suffering.
I learned in here that these three virtues are to become fixed within me. I had to learn how to persevere in these and to never let go. I was told that if I let go of one, they’re all gone. So, even though I don’t walk around thinking about these all the time, I do know that they are still there, because I continually want them deep down within me.
It’s part of my practicing the reality of the spiritual life and not the theory. And, when I stop and think about how I have been blessed by my Higher Power, this program, the people within it, who have helped me along the way, I have to accept the fact that I must be doing something right. Not always sure I’m living a spiritual way of life, but am willing and trying.
Once again all I have to do is look at what is really going on. I am staying sober a day at a time. I am going to meetings on a regular basis, because I believe I cannot stay sober by myself. Seen too many who pulled away and what happened to them. And, when I can, I try to give to others what was so freely given to me. Part of my gratitude. My thanks. Part of trying to put this spirituality into action.