One of the hardest things for me to have done was to stop thinking. All one had to do was ask my old sponsor about that. But he was the one who really began to help me to change. I had to stop thinking my usual way and begin to think in a new way.
It was my freedom from alcohol, which started this. I mean I had been given the freedom I could not obtain for myself. I needed the help of a Power greater than myself. I found that I had already surrendered to my being powerless over alcohol, now I was going to have to surrender in that Second Step to my Higher Power and a spiritual way of life.
Once I had done that I stepped into Hope and from Hope to Faith. I came to believe that the God of my understanding could do for me what I could not do for myself. And that was what began to change my mind. I was stuck up to that point in believing that I knew what I was thinking was right no matter what. Now I was going to have to learn to shut up, change my mind from where I was stuck, to begin to open my mind, and listen to what I needed to hear…if I wanted to stay sober.
I had a start, but I found out that none of this change was going to happen overnight. It was going to take time. I had a lot of junk in my head which had been ruling my thinking and how I felt. I needed to get rid of that and then begin to accept a new way of thinking. I had to begin to open my ears and my mind and begin to listen to my sponsor and the old timers in here, who had told me I needed shut up! I knew how to drink, but I didn’t know how to stay sober.
One of the biggest obstacles was right there in front of me. The people in these rooms. I learned that I could not stay sober by myself and I was going to have to depend on the people in this program, if I wanted to stay sober. That was going to mean that I had to change my mind about others and come to begin to listen to them, even if I didn’t think I should. I had to stop thinking that way and open my mind and my heart. I had to start to not only listen, but begin to believe in what they were saying.
This is where my belief and faith in my Higher Power came in. I had to learn to let go and let this Power greater than myself begin to help me change. Somehow I did and I not only began to change in my thinking but how I related to others. I had to begin to trust them. To not only become open but eventually become friends. I did and I learned how to love them. I still have many in my life even today. I trust them and they trust me. I love them and they love me.
This was the beginning of learning to let go of my negative emotions, which had run my life for years. To stop being negative and begin to have a positive attitude. Like I said, I learned that I had to learn to persevere in hope and faith, now I had to learn to persevere in love too. And that’s where all these Steps came into practice in my life. Stumbled a lot along the way. Time took time, but I began to change in my way of life and my thinking. I finally got an open mind.
Anyway, as I began to think about all of this today, I was able to return to why I am here. I am here to stay sober one day at a time. In the beginning I thought I was supposed to think that I would stay sober the rest of my life. I had to learn to back up and think of one day at a time. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here yet. Just today. I am grateful for all the miracle gifts I have been given. Thanks.