Whether I like it or not, everyday I find myself taking a quick inventory almost all day long. I guess that’s what happened, as a result of what I was learning from my sponsor and those old timers. And it was also the result of these Steps.
It’s not that I found myself being all that haunted by my conscience, but a slowly developing awareness of my thoughts, actions, and reactions. On the one hand, I find these just gliding by without my being attentive. And then at other times I find myself acutely aware. And that’s when something important to me occurs. Could be a feeling of a negative emotion. A reaction to persons, places, or things, which somehow have disturbed me.
The reason I bring this up is that those things, which I find in the Serenity Prayer, my not being able to change things, suddenly become something I feel I should be able to control. Probably induced by someone doing things, which have disturbed me. This is exactly what I was told I should not do. Once again negative emotions over my intellect, running my life.
Fortunately so far I have not been tempted to go back and take a drink. I know that has happened to others, which got them drunk. But, I also know, that I need to learn not to think I have it made. I know that I’m still a human alcoholic, and not a saint. Like my sponsor and other old timers pointed out to me that I needed to turn my will back to this spiritual way of life. I need to continue to do what I need to do. Pray and ask for help to begin with.
This is just a reminder to me that I need to turn my life around and continue to change. It also is what I need to do each and everyday that I need to start it with prayers to help me dedicate this day to staying sober. I know that I need to go to meetings, listen to others like myself and pay attention. I never want to drift back to where I came from and I know that, if I’m not dedicated and attentive, that can happen.
So, I want to stop and take time to meditate and focus on what I need to do. To be grateful for all I have been given. Peace and happiness to begin with. The restoration to sanity, and the spiritual awakening. All the promises and so much more. I need to thank my Higher Power, and, of course, all those who helped and directed me to grow along spiritual lines and stay sober.