Today we heard from a couple of people who had gone back out and drank again. Quite a few people spoke to them about what it means to be an alcoholic and drinking again. Very dangerous to say the least.
I listened to them all and supported a lot of their statements. I know what it has done to a whole lot of alcoholics like ourselves. Many of them lost their lives as a result of drinking again. I knew more than quite a few, who were gone as a result. In fact my first sponsor was one of them. Ten years sober, he had a resentment and drank and died. Got drunk and had a heart attack, which killed him a week or so after he got drunk.
Most of us tried to tell them how much we all need to get sober and stay sober. But something within tells them they had to drink again. Getting sober and staying sober, they think, is not worth it. Or, as my old sponsor told me: “You think you know that you know. But you don’t know anything.” Amazing! And he was right. I was well educated, but my mind was the same as it was while I was drinking. Controlled by negative emotions.
I was so grateful that he and others were able to help me to change. I had to learn to not think in such an overwhelming way of dealing with the life around me. I was run by alcoholism like my first sponsor was, and I didn’t want to ever drink again. And that’s when my sponsor helped me to begin to change.
The first thing he did was to introduce me to a spiritual way of life in the Second Step in here. And that was followed by introducing me to a relationship with my Higher Power. It was just the start of my being able to change. Did not happen overnight. Time took time. A day at a time for a long long time. But eventually it did work.
Part of what helped me were the rest of these Steps. But what did help me was learning to think with a healthy mind, rather than the sick kind of mind, which was being ruled by my negative thinking. I learned over time how depression, resentments, anger, hatred, fear, despair, and a whole lot of controlling emotions were really running my life, as they did in all my drinking years.
And that was where the spiritual life came into helping me to begin to change. That and growing with help from my Higher Power and my old sponsor and a whole lot of old timers in here, who knew what I needed to do. I had to learn how to stop blaming others, and recognizing my guilty thinking. A lot of those, for instance, who were guilty of being worthy of my resentments, I discovered were not even guilty of anything. For some reason, because of fear on my part, I changed to blame on the other hand, which took the fear away and gave me anger.
Like the spiritual axiom in the Tenth Step in the 12&12 tells me, I have to step aside and stop blindly accusing others, and to come up with my own faults and not theirs. I also learned that I had to have a positive attitude in life and not a negative attitude, which was part of my growing along spiritual lines. And over time I did change in here.
Today I look back and am grateful for all that I have learned in here which has changed my life. I have acquired peace of mind and happiness. Have been given a spiritual way of life. The gift of Hope, Faith, and Love is present in my daily life. A spiritual awakening has also been given to me, and so much more. I am so grateful.
I wish I could reach out an help these alcoholics like myself, and assist them to begin to think spiritually in a positive way that I was given. Not an overnight event, but a helpful turnaround, which comes from compassion and sharing by sober alcoholics like myself and others. I had to learn to depend on my Higher Power and others like myself to begin to change as we did. And like so many others, I can hope they will.