Two things came up today, which I learned a long time ago could destroy this alcoholic. And that was the past and the future. I had to learn in here that I had to change the way I thought. I was told not to go back and dwell on anything, which could drag me back into anger and resentments. And to have things I have to do in the future, but not to spend anytime projecting on what could be going to trip me up. I was told that I had to learn to stay in the present and not drift.
Over my time in here I learned exactly what I was told to do. I am able to stay in the present. I had to learn how to give up negative emotions, which ran my life both in and out of this program. They controlled my thinking while I was drinking. But then, without being aware of it, they followed me into sobriety and were running my mind, until my sponsor was able to see that and he began to help me to change.
He was able to start me off in the Second Step, and it introduced me to the spiritual life and my Higher Power. But he also led me on how I could begin to stop using my negative emotions to do my thinking for me. And that took a long long time, but I learned to not give up. I had to learn how to live one day at a time, and that time would take time. It did. A long time, but worth it.
Through the spiritual program in here, with the blessings of my Higher Power, I began to live the positive and not the negative. I was given peace of mind and heart, and began to grow in my gratitude for sobriety and this way of life.
I also learned that the alcoholics like me are not saints. We are very human alcoholics, who from time to time are going to trip over ourselves. Until the day we die, I learned we will stumble, and tumble, and bumble over ourselves, despite trying to pray and try to live this spiritual way of life. I learned that I had to pick myself up and ask my Higher Power, and members I depend upon for help. And I get what I need. And that’s gratitude and the strength I need to change and stay sober a day at a time.
And what helps me are alcoholics just like myself, who helped me to reach out and help them to grow like I have. Compassion and love for one another. To never give up and to keep on keeping on this way of life, as I learned from my old sponsor and all those old timers, and others, who have helped me to learn. I need to thank my Higher Power, and all those, who over time in here, have helped me to change and grow and stay sober.