The mental, physical, and spiritual are here with us all. And those old timers, the BB, the 12&12, and meetings helped me to begin to come to understand all of this. And it’s up to me to deal with these in the right way, in order for me to stay sober…and, of course it is all a day at a time.
When I was out there, the physical was running everything by my drinking alcohol. It controlled the mental, and definitely the spiritual. And, when I heard that there was help, which could help me to eliminate my despair, and could help me to think and open the door to the spiritual, I knelt and begged my God to free me from alcohol, and I would do whatever He wanted. And it worked. I woke up the next day and alcohol was gone and hasn’t ever come back since.
Four days later I came to AA. And that began to open my mind. A start. My mind was still confused, but I was willing to listen. I heard people, who had gotten sober and were staying sober through this program. It began to give me hope. And, at the end of the meeting an old timer came over and opened the door to the spiritual life a crack for me. I didn’t understand, but somehow it gave me some hope.
And for a while I was listening to and following an alcoholic, who had been in here a while, who took me out on Twelve Steps calls. There were no detoxes or rehabs back then, and hospitals did not help alcoholics. So the call for Twelve Steps came everyday to people like us. And this went on, without any discussion of the Steps from the alcoholic who led me. And then, one day, after he had been sober ten years, he went back out and drank again and died. He had been filled with resentments I found out and that shook me up.
The man, who took me over, had twenty years sobriety and was willing to help me. His first help came from how he addressed me. He told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I knew. And that woke me up. Somehow I knew he was right and I needed help. He knew that, I was not in the program when I was able to stop drinking, that I had already worked the First Step. And that’s when he introduced me to the Second Step. The spiritual life and a relationship with my Higher Power.
He made me not read the BB, but to study it carefully, and talk with him and other old timers. He had me continue to go to meetings on a daily basis, and to not run my life, but to follow the directions I needed. And I learned to listen and do just that. Time has taken time. A very very long time. I very desperately needed to change, and he and those old timers helped me. I am very grateful.
However I need not to forget growing along spiritual lines. I was very much shown what this was about by almost everyone, with time in here, how this takes place. And I am grateful to my Higher Power for all the gifts I have been given. Peace and happiness are here, as well as the directions I needed to do what I learned in here. To gain hope, and faith, and love…compassion and an open heart to give others what was so freely given to me by those old timers.
But I need to constantly remember that I am not a saint. I am a human alcoholic, who can trip, stumble, and bumble, and need to wake up and ask for help. I need to change and begin to practice humility. Not always easy, but do-able, if I will stop and think and ask for the help I need, if I definitely need it. And I do.
Anyway I was thinking about all of this today and thought I’d put it down, so I have a reminder.