Talking to a member today about the problem of letting go and letting God. A truly spiritual problem for myself and many I know. I was reading a man’s story last night about his problem with this.
The man told how he always thought he was in charge of everything in his life. All he wanted his Higher Power to do was to take care of his problem with alcohol and he would do the rest. Reminded me of me. That rebel within. But the man came to realize that he wasn’t all that good at what he thought he could do. He said he listened to the people at meetings and eventually heard “Let go and let God. Get out of the driver’s seat.” And he said he did and his life changed.
What we talked about is that, as long as we’re alive, we all will have problems. The question is what are we able to do about them? When we run out of ideas, what’s the next step? That was when I began to learn to turn it over. Took time, but I did begin to learn what I was being told by my sponsor and others in this program. That I did have a Higher Power and I had to learn to depend on His help. Like I said, I’m a slow learner.
It was then I began to learn how powerless I was over people, places, and things. I thought I knew that, when I came in. It was obvious from the beginning that my life was unmanageable, but for some reason I ignored that until I began to get frustrated over and over again. Running into brick walls. Then I heard what I need to be reminded over and over again and again. Mind your own business. Take care of yourself.
Eventually it became clear. I’m all I’ve got. That my sobriety comes first. Without it I’d have nothing. As long as I take care of my program things will work out. That’s where the spiritual life really comes into play. Relying on my Higher Power for things for which I have no answer. I had to learn that I will get my answers in God’s time, not mine.
I often forget what was wrong with me besides just alcohol. I was suffering from a spiritual malady when I came in. I was a mess and the spiritual life the old timers was talking about didn’t make sense to me. It was going to take time to learn what I needed to learn. And the first thing was that I didn’t know what I was talking about. I only thought I knew.
Just like the man’s story above. Like him I had to unlearn a lot. Time in here has shown me that I’m still learning and I will never finish in this lifetime.
All this reminds me of what Bill W. said in the 12&12 in the 7th Step about humility. Getting my over sized ego out of the way. Breaking that false pride of mine and stepping aside to let my Higher Power do for me what I can’t do for myself. That’s a big job for someone as self centered as I am.
But when I learn all of this and let go I find peace, happiness, serenity. I find that no matter what’s going on that I am grateful for all that has been given to me. Like that spiritual man once said I can say the same thing. For all that’s happened, Thanks. For all that will happen, Yes.