When Bill talked about pain as being the touchstone of all spiritual growth, he was in the Tenth Step, talking about our failures in our day. But he also said that the pain of drinking came before sobriety, and that we go through emotional turmoil before serenity.
I know a lot of people who are going through emotional turmoil. Those who are in pain of loss, as they watch their loved ones, who are suffering and nearing the end of their lives. Some caring for others, who are in trouble or physically ill. Others who have just suffered financial loss or lost a job. All this is enough to cause pain.
I thought about my own experiences in regard to all of the above. I learned an awful lot from these. One thing I definitely learned was what is often said about pain and suffering. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is opitional. The optional stuff, suffering, comes from guilt and remorse from missed opportunities, relating past events to the days experiences. Projecting the worst scenarios. Self pity definitely. Taking on the problems of others out of worry and guilt. Sometimes losing hope and sinking into despair. I know all these things. I brought them into the program with me.
What have I learned from all these experiences? I eventually learned to grow along spiritual lines. I found that the “tragedies” in my life helped strengthen my conviction not to drink. I found that I was put into a position of depending mightily on my higher power. I learned to accept the hand of help from others, who stepped forward to support me through these events. I learned to talk to others and share what was going on in my life. All these things brought a certain hope into my daily affairs. I learned that pain could and would increase my faith in the program and the God of my understanding. It began to teach me to pick up what I lacked; patience, tolerance, and understanding. It taught me to listen.
Above all, everything, which brought pain into my life, helped me to practice these principles in all of my affairs. I’ve often been forced to look at my character defects and employ, not only the Tenth Step, but Six and Seven. Just as often to confess these to someone else.
I remember, when I was preparing to go and join my family, when my father passed away, my sponsor stopped me and offered me a suggestion. He said that I didn’t have the strength to allow others to lean on me. He told me that, if I brought my program with me, that’s what they could lean on. I did and I never forgot that. Through all events, to take my program with me. To practice it to the best of my ability.
But pain has hardly made me perfect. I remember the story of a doctor talking to a friend of a woman, who had been shot. He simply said, “She’s going to recover, but she’s still not bulletproof.” He could have been talking about me.
Anyway, talking to others helped me to focus today on what I need to do to stay sober.