Had a few discussions today concerning Step Ten. Interesting and hopefully helpful. I know for myself that the spiritual axiom in that Step in the 12&12 tells someone like me that whenever I’m disturbed there is something wrong with me, not someone else.
I know that with someone I talked to that this was obviously true. Hard to be able to see that in ourselves until we have been doing this for a long time in here. I know that it didn’t happen overnight for me.
Even though it’s possible to put this Step into action early on, learning what works is difficult. Particularly if we’re being ruled by our negative emotions. Anger, resentments, self pity, anxiety, and the list goes on. When we’re so used to these ruling our lives, it’s difficult to see where we’re wrong, no matter what others say.
That’s why I always went back to the Second Step for myself. I had to be able to learn how to turn my defects over to my Higher Power. I couldn’t help but think about this, when talking with others. In the past I was often totally blind, deaf and dumb, when examining myself and was ready to argue and defend what I was doing. Like my sponsor told me, I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. Took time and spiritual help to turn all of this around.
I had to learn how to stop and step back and take another look at how I was thinking and become willing to change my mind. In fact talking to one man today I had to stop and tell him how I was finally able to catch myself in the wrong. Not someone else, me. I had lied to someone in order to please myself. After watching the game I felt somewhat guilty and so it made it easy for me to grab onto something someone said and develop anger and resentment. And it was at that point that I suddenly realized how wrong I was. It began to turn my thinking around.
But I had to first stop, step back, and take time to quietly think about this. Somehow I became open and to objectively look at myself and my faults. Not someone else’s. Mine. I learned I could not take their inventory and correct whatever. It was mine that was my priority.
All this was part of dealing with my emotions. My negative emotions. I have come to realize over time just how dangerous these are to an alcoholic like myself. I saw the result of these in the lives of some in here. Like the literature tells us, we can return to alcohol and die as a result. I definitely needed to change, if I want to stay sober. And I do.
Anyway I know I did remind others of the consequences, if we don’t change. Like I said, the reality in my life began when I took the Second Step. When I became willing to live a spiritual life. It opened the door to this program for me. I finally began to have hope and faith in a Power greater than myself. And I also began to live a sober way of life a day at a time. I began to listen to my sponsor, those old timers, and others in here. I started to change.
After I talked I took time to stop and think about all of this. It renewed gratitude within me. I can never forget how I reached a point where I was restored to sanity. The spiritual awakening. The promises always give me so much hope and renew my faith. I know after Step Ten there’s Step Eleven and then Step Twelve. It proves what it says in Step Nine. That the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. Makes me so grateful.