One of the things Bill W. talked about was the unconscious mind. Earlier we were talking about things, which might have been the result of this phase of our minds. Things which had gotten lost and forgotten. Things which damaged us, as he pointed out. He was not the only one. Doctors have held this to be true, as have spiritual adviser’s.
One of these things probably came up today in the meeting. The word “love”. So many in the meeting reacted to that word. Most pointed out that, when they were out there, and after they came in, that word love was foreign to them. Some even hated it back then and some still don’t like it.
I know it was a fairly foreign word for me. I really knew nothing about that when I came in and I was in my early forties. I really had no idea of what that was about, if I was honest with myself. My lack of love in my life effected my family and my friends. I was lost when it came to this.
In fact it took me time to begin to like people, when I came in. After a couple of years, I think, I began to be able to like others. Love took a much longer period. I think that’s because I was caught up in thinking how I felt, rather than what it was that I found to be true. I just didn’t recognize the truth.
All of this I’m sure was the lack of honesty in my life. Also the belief in “romance”. When I became willing to let go of the things which held me in dishonesty, I began to change. Love began to become part of my life.
I now know that I do love others. I don’t always feel love, but I do know what I value and what is important to me. If I had to depend on feelings I’d be in trouble. It’s part of my being willing to practice honesty in here. Often it begins with compassion for others and grows into love.
One of the instruments in this program, which has aided in my love, is helping others. Caring for others, the way others cared for me. The birth of the spiritual way of life in my own life.
Anyway, as I listened I started to think about what this was all about. At least for this alcoholic. I knew what others were saying and how they thought and felt. Made me grateful that I was given the grace to stop drinking alcohol and begin to change from a drunk to a sober individual in this program. Again I have to thank my Higher Power, my sponsor, and so many others in this program.