One of those things I know, which cause us problems, is lack of peace. I’ve seen and heard a lot of this over time in here. I know at one time it was what caused me a lot of negative moments.
One of those things I know caused lack of peace in my life was my ignorance and my “defiance”. In the beginning in here, my pride, my dishonesty, and my immaturity, drove me into conflicts within and without of myself. I had to go through a lot of surrenders. To give up the controls I believed I had. Learning to let go and let the God of my understanding.
And, of course, what brought me to a peaceful place within and without, was what we all eventually seek, surrender. And that came about for me, when my old sponsor had me read, study, and begin to practice that Second Step in here. Beginning to struggle to live a spiritual way of life. It was difficult at first, but the threat I faced was what drove me on. To either live a spiritual way of life or die an alcoholic death. Had been close to that before and didn’t want to go back there again.
That Second Step opened the door to the rest of this program. Didn’t mean it was going to be easy either. I know that I struggled with a lot of these Steps. The old saying, Time takes time, was certainly true for me. Nothing happened or changed overnight. Not over a week or months. Years at times in here. However it did begin to work.
And I guess it was in that Ninth Step I began to receive what I needed to begin to enjoy the peace I needed in my life. The Promises. Serenity for one. A new freedom and a new happiness. Even that restoration to sanity. The spiritual awakening.
The more I received, the more willing I became. Didn’t mean that I wasn’t going to trip over myself. I found I was still human, and as the BB said, not a saint. I still had my defects and weaknesses tripping me at times. Thankfully I had my Higher Power and a lot of old timers, including my old sponsor, who were willing to give me a hand I needed in making changes along the line.
I learned that I had to accept a lot of things I had resisted before. But the more I gained the more I accepted. And peace began to become something which helped me to change for the better.
Anyway it also installed a common thought within me. My desire to stay sober a day at a time. To put those last three Steps into action on a regular basis. Especially freely giving what was freely given to me. My sobriety. How I finally got sober and changed my life in order to stay sober. My gratitude and perhaps my example. Surely the example of others around me.
I needed to stop today and step back and think about all of this. Glad I had the opportunity. I need to say thanks.