One of the things I hate is when I find myself irritated and eventually angry. It always brings back memories from the past. Makes me feel guilty like I was back then. Yesterday and today was just that way.
I had run across a couple of things, which frustrated me. Mainly because I really didn’t know a thing about what I was dealing with. I knew there were people who probably knew the answer to this stuff, but I decided I would get hold of them later on. I think there’s a bent nerve inside, which somehow wants to try to enjoy anger.
I finally decided I needed to follow the directions I was given in the past. After more frustration I went ahead and did what I needed to do and it was the answer. The frustration was gone, but the hangover from my anger was still there. Hate the feelings. I had no personal target, just myself. And the Tenth Step told me that I was at fault. Not always easy to accept, but I finally did.
It brought home, once again, what I had learned from my the old timers and my sponsor that I suffered from dishonesty and wanted to blame someone other than myself. Have to admit that I’m glad that I was able to accept the truth. And like my sponsor told me, I needed to pick myself up and dust myself off and keep on keeping on.
Yet the spiritual side of me knows that I have to forgive and forget, no matter what. I also learned that from my sponsor and others over time in here. And I’m so grateful that I began to learn and know the truth I was given. It’s big part of the gifts I have received, which free me from myself.
Once again a reminder of why I am here. I came here to get sober and stay sober a day at a time. And all of that makes me so grateful. I need to thank my Higher Power and all those in here, including the program itself, for freeing me of the chains of negative emotions, which make me return to a positive rather attitude.
I know that talking to others was what really opened the door for me. Amazing how we all can share and help one another. Makes me love this program more and more. Thanks.