Years ago, I remember a couple of us were walking through a hospital, after a meeting there, and we ran into a young woman, who told us she just had a slip. A few months later I was at a Fri. night meeting and she was leading it. It was a “discussion” meeting. She brought up a very dark and depressing subject and called on people, who had no more time than she did. As the meeting went on, the mood slipped deeper and deeper down into a very dark and hopeless channel. Her comments seemed to encourage this. Finally, I raised my hand. I was ignored, so I spoke up without her recognition. I talked about the steps and why we were there. I remember she gave me a dark look and sarcastically said, “Thank you very much”, and continued the theme of the meeting.
What I did that night was what my sponsor Tom told me to do. He said to me that if I was at a meeting, which was negative, that it was my job to raise my hand and contribute something positive, relating to alcohol and the solution. Otherwise, shame on me. Bill W. himself decried the inroads “discussion” meetings had made in AA. He said something to the effect that it got us off the reason we all came to this program. To get sober and stay sober.
A friend of mine led a meeting not too long ago, which was a discussion meeting. He asked for topics and as he did, he alluded to the reasons people bring up topics, by saying maybe someone wanted to talk about something about which they disagreed with their sponsor.
Many times I do hear from their sponsors, when they say that their sponsor wanted them to bring up the topic of a particular step with which they were having difficulty. Too often, I think that some believe they’re there for group therapy. Since there are no qualified professionals there to direct such a session, I find it hard to believe that anyone needing such assistance would want to seek such guidance from folk like us.
The fifth tradition tells us what the content of a meeting should be; if it is an AA meeting. It tells us we know only know about one thing; alcohol and the solution to this fatal dilemma. Even at the beginning of some meetings they read a short piece that suggests that we talk about something related to alcohol. And then someone says they want to talk about their relationship.
Some will tell us that it’s valid to bring up any topic, because it may take us back to a drink. That would be all well and good, if that was the way a meeting would go. However the tendency seems to let the subject drift in any direction it may. The giving of advice is the direction most of these meetings drift. At some, it seems that it becomes a contest on who can come up with the worst scenario. Can you top this? Unless there is a strong leader, who can continually direct the flow of such a meeting, it can generally drift into very depressing places.
There’s a tendency in all of us to want to solve problems. Me included.
When working with others, I have to constantly dance around where others want to take me. I’m not there to solve marital difficulties, financial woes, problems on the job, medical questions, mental quandries. I have to remind myself, as I listen, to focus on one thing, I’m simply there to help them to get sober and stay sober. I have to continually go back to basics.
Meetings are no different. I heard a woman the other day at a “chip” meeting, who was celebrating almost three decades. She said that when she came to her first meeting the group was talking about alcohol and the solution and it gave her hope. Had they been talking about anything else, I think she would have left with a feeling of hopelessness.
The primary purpose of a group of Alcoholics Anonymous is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Often it means reminding the long time member, who is suffering from forgetting what that message is.
I hope I never forget what that message is. That I’m an alcoholic and that alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful. Without help it’s too much for us. The solution is spiritual. If we are to speak of relationships, perhaps it’s our relationship with a Higher Power.
Am I willing to raise my hand and say that?
Anyway, this is what came to mind this morning.