From time to time I am surprised at what I will be thinking about. And all of that is what is going on inside of me. I may find myself thinking thoughts about myself and others. Not thoughts on my drinking, but thoughts on my not drinking a day at a time. Always a reminder of why I am here. I’m here to stay sober, and need not to forget that.
And then there is the bases for why this is here, and that’s what I have learned in here about this spiritual way of life. I mean, that I am aware that the reason I got sober in the first place was not on my own. I didn’t do it. My Higher Power did that for me. I had tried again and again to stop drinking, no matter what, and it had never worked. And then one day I was told that there was a place where people would help me to get sober.
When I learned that I went home and prayed and begged my God to stop me from drinking and I would hopefully do whatever it was He wanted me to do. I fell asleep and woke up and the alcohol was gone. I know I have told this to others over and over again. Never want to forget that.
And then I had to learn to change in my thinking and living in here. Time took time, and even though I have done a lot of learning to change, I have learned something else. I am not in charge. I have learned a new way of thinking and living, but it’s not my thinking that did this. I had to finally admit it was given to me by this program and the people in it, who rely on their Higher Power. Like the BB tells me, the spiritual life is not a theory…I have to live it.
All this reminds me that I have to learn to back up and step aside. I am not in charge. My Higher Power and this program are, despite what others try to say. Like I was taught in here, humility is what I need to acquire and practice. Not always easy, but do-able, if I want to grow in this program.
However, I have to remember that I’m still human, and that places me in different ways of thinking and doing. I can start my day in prayer and even meditation or thinking, and then find myself stumbling and bumbling, and tumbling. But that makes me go back and pray and ask for help. That’s what I need from day to day….Like the BB points out, till the day we die.