The help I have been given

One of the things I have to remember to keep thinking about is what my old sponsor’s widow talked to us about. And that was our need to focus on our being the ones who needed to remember that we had to be number one, as far as our being an individual alcoholic. I was told that I needed to focus on myself or I could forget and end up drinking again.

However, I also learned that I needed to remember that I had to continue to go to meetings of AA, or that could lead to my drifting away, because I would forget who and what I was. Truth is that I have seen this too many times already, over the years in here, which have led to a lot of deaths from drinking alcohol again.

I have to never forget that my getting sober is a gift I have been given by my Higher Power. I could not stop drinking on my own. I was on my way to suicide, because alcohol owned me and was driving me insane. The reason I got sober was that a fellow alcoholic had heard of a group who could help us both. It was that statement, which led to my going to my Higher Power, begging Him to free me from alcohol, and I would do whatever He would want me to do. I fell asleep and I woke up free of alcohol.

I need never to forget that. At first I almost did, because I came into this program and got the “help I needed” from an alcoholic, who was a “Two Stepper” I found out, when he went back out and drank again and died, as a result. Never want to forget that. He was driven back because he had a huge resentment.

And that drove me to an old timer, who told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know…I only thought I did. That opened my mind, and I began to change. I had already stopped drinking…First Step…but had gone no further. My new sponsor opened me to the BB and the Second Step, where I came to believe in a spiritual way of life and a Higher Power.

All this led me to finally realize that I am not in charge of my sobriety. It is a gift to me, and I have to learn to be grateful and accept this way of life I have been given. And, like the BB and the members in here have taught me, I have to begin to practice this way of life through the Steps and my being willing to live this spiritual way of life, and to be obedient to my Higher Power and grateful for all I have been given. Like the BB states, we are not saints, we are human alcoholics and need to remember to stay sober and live our sobriety one day at a time.

I have to remember to always be grateful to my Higher Power for all I have been given. And then I have to never forget what all those old timers, my old sponsor, and then all those whom I have grown up with in here, also need my thanks.