I had the opportunity today to talk with a man, who is coming back. I have known this man for about ten years now. He’s been slipping in and out since I’ve known him. I had a feeling, as he sat there, that there was no welcoming committee for him. I felt bad about that. After all he’s just another drunk like we all are. It was fairly obvious that some in the room were looking down on him.
As the “phone list” was going around the room and it got to me, I saw that the usual names and numbers weren’t on there. Instead of twenty or so names, there were only four or five. That made me feel a little guilty. When they passed it to him, I leaned over and pointed out my name and number and told him to call me. He did.
We tell everyone in the room that this is a disease. An illness that we didn’t ask for and one that overwhelms us to the point of insanity and death. And then a few, who have been around a few twenty four hours say things like he should know better and to stop putting the drink down his gullet. Know better? Sounds like he has choices and that will power alone can take care of it.
I remember how it was. I couldn’t stop drinking no matter what I tried. It wasn’t until I was totally defeated by the booze that I finally had a chance. That’s where AA and the solution came into my life. I don’t know what took him back out again. Again and again. But I think it was the insanity and the disease, which spawns the insanity within us.
Drinking was never a matter of choice with me. I don’t think drinking was much of a choice for anyone of us. What makes one man stop and accept the solution proposed by the program, may not be the same for another.
But I do know that what keeps us stopped is the matter of change. The statement that the same man will drink again is the answer for all of us. We have to change or perish.
During his call to me, he talked about so much stuff I identified with that it was a walk down memory lane. Not a pleasant one, but a good reminder of what I had left behind. If ever I needed a demonstration of change in my life, this was it. Yet, as we talked, I could see myself so many years ago. I could feel the empathy with him and knew that if I could help I would. I know that there is no way I can single-handedly bring about a change, but maybe there’s a chance that with his help and the assistance of others, he too can leave the same man behind.
It was a good reminder to me that I need an open mind. The idea of tolerance has to be there. Tolerance and understanding. Who but another alcoholic can even understand or put up with someone like myself. My sponsors and a lot of the old timers did just that. They were willing to tolerate and understand why I was the way I was. They took a lot of my bad attitudes and know it all garbage that I was spreading and helped me change. I know that I have to be able to return the gift so freely given to me to someone just like me. There is no room for
prejudice.
Somewhere in the BB it tells us that nothing will insure our staying sober than working with another alcoholic. It has been my experience that this is true. My first sponsor took me out on twelfth step calls almost everyday, when I first came in. My second sponsor encouraged this kind of activity. I still do it. Not two stepping, but all twelve.
See? The change. I never gave a damn about anyone except myself. Now, I do. I hope and pray that he will follow through. It doesn’t always happen, but hope burns eternal. Sometimes my prayers are answered.
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