In his final chapter in the book, “Ebby”, the author entitiled it “Ebby and the world of relapse”. In general the man wrote that why people relapse is a mystery. No one really knows why one man stays sober from the time he comes in to the end of his life and another keeps going in and out. Although Bill’s thoughts in the beginning of the chapter More on Alcoholism and his remarks on where relapse is a state of mind would seem to be right on target. In chapter 5, his words on commitment also opens the door to maybe why this happens.
He includes in that chapter an excerpt from a letter by George McGovern, who tries to figure out why his daughter went through so many relapses and ultimately died as a result. McGovern says that in part her constant pulling away from AA and the meetings might be an element in contributing to relapse.
We look at the complicated factors of Ebby’s life and it’s hard to figure out what was the one thing that was key to his drinking and it’s not clear.
I recently had the chance to talk to a man, who was on the verge of going back to a drink. Anger was right up front. With the help of a friend, we talked to him and eventually he calmed down. We talked about the insanity, which precedes that first “fatal” drink. You could see it in his eyes and hear it in his words. But the bottom line was clear; no matter what the cause of his anger, he saw the solution as a drink. He wanted the drink.
More than anything else, it was clear to my friend and myself that this man needed a solution to what was going on. We also knew that as human agents, we were powerless to do anything to solve his problem. Sure, we talked about all the rational and reasonable we could and he seemed to agree with us. I had seen this reaction many times in the past in working with others, who inevitably drank again. They always agreed that what was being said to them made sense. But the alcoholic insanity was already in play. So, we gently pushed the thought of God’s power over the insanity and the drink itself. Whether he could see this or not, he didn’t drink.
This raises a question. The mystery is still there isn’t it? What breaks the connection to our HP? The author of the book puts it this way: alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful. He points out that it is so powerful that we can con ourselves into the trap. We can get so comfortable with our sobriety that we can come to believe that we’re immune to what so many have fallen into; relapse.
Problems can be solved, but mysteries cannot. That’s why they remain a mystery despite our best efforts.
The only answer is to reach for the solution and continue to practice what works. And what works is to do what our founders practiced. The twelve steps and going to meetings. The commitment to this simple program. A connection to our HP through prayer and meditation. Sticking with the winners. Sharing our secrets and listening to feedback and putting what we hear into practice. Maintaining a state of mind and an attitude of gratitude for the gift so freely given to us.
I was thinking about all this after reading the final chapter last night.