“If you try to cut corners, you’ll get cut on the edges”. That’s a message my sponsor gave me a long time ago.
From time to time that message comes back to me through the years. There are no shortcuts to sobriety. It’s all or nothing at all. That’s a scarey thought. This is a man, who often told me not to worry. Yet, he offered me this thought and I couldn’t help but worry.
He also told me that there was no right way or wrong way to get sober. Sober was sober. Really? Was he talking about just not drinking or something else? The night he told me that, he had gone to see a man, who had not taken a drink for 8 years, but who didn’t go to AA. A critical comment from me brought the remark from him.
So, did this man take the twelve steps of AA? Was that what he meant by cutting corners? You had to take the steps? Or what? One thing I know, I could never have done what the man with 8 years had done. I could never have stopped on my own. That’s a fact. Nor could my sponsor. He told me that he needed the help of AA. I’ve heard that over and over again in this program. I could never do this alone.
One thing he did do for me, was open my mind to the possibility that others are not wrong. He showed me that what was right for him and what was right for me was right. And what was right for that man was right. My sponsor Tom had an open mind and kept it open. He did not suffer from bias. He seemed to be able to give all men their due.
I think he was trying to say that if you took the path to sobriety through the AA program, you took the whole thing. I’ve seen a lot of people in this program in more than three decades. It’s hard not to observe each and everyone you see or meet. Some talk about the steps and their experiences with them. Some never ever mention the steps or their part in their sobriety. Some will say that they never got beyond the first three steps.
I’ve heard one or two say they only took the first. Others will tell you that they went as far as the fifth step and stopped. Yet, none of them are drinking. Most of them have been in a long, long time. They are, by my sponor’s terms, sober and attending meetings.
I learned a long time ago that AA is not a debating society. There was a time, when someone would say something and I would immediately want to jump in and argue. You’re doing it wrong! Tom would stop me cold and tell me to shut up. My thinking was that these people were cutting corners. I couldn’t let them get away with that. I learned I could and should. It wasn’t my business to correct or fix anyone. MYOB. It brought me a lot of peace not to get into the fray. Doesn’t mean I haven’t, but most of the time I’m able to keep my big mouth shut and simply share my own experience strength and hope. I hope.
Then what was he talking about, when he said that if we cut corners, we would get cut on the edges? For one thing, I’ve learned from watching, that a lot of these people have probably practice all twelve steps, over time, even though they weren’t concious of doing so. I’ve learned that a lot of people, including me, are very slow learners. We don’t all have the same capacity for learning or doing things. In the end, we all accomplish the same goal; we’re sober. We haven’t taken a drink in all this time. And there are some, who proclaim their step taking, like a badge of honor, who haven’t got one thing I want to have. And there are some, who say they have done the minimum, who are the example of humility which I often envy. Go figure.
No, I think he was talking about something else. I think he was talking about the spiritual life. He was, I guess talking about our commitment to the spiritual program. Without fanfare or advertisement of any sort, he seemed to have it. I know that, because he had what I wanted.
He had a picture on his wall, a print of a painting that I had seen before. It was of an elderly peasant man, sitting at a rough kitchen table, with a cup of coffee (I guess), just looking at the cup. It was an expression of deep humility in that man, which struck me. That was my sponsor. I know that for years, he would sit, every morning, with a cup of coffee in his hand and look out his kitchen window and go someplace we all need to go to. He would sit there for a long time and at the end of it, he would get up and go to work. He had a very humble job and did that for years, until he could no longer go to work. He did a job, which was dirty and difficult, but I never ever heard him complain. He was always sober in the full meaning of the word. To me and so many others, he was the embodiment of the this program.
Today, I heard a Native American woman describe her sponsor, who had recently passed away. She said that her sponsor’s fingerprints were all over her program. She put into words something I failed to. Tom’s fingerprints are all over my program. He kept me from getting cut.