I had a friend, who years ago told us that if he ever came to a meeting and heard something new, he would leave, because he would know that he was in the wrong place. Over the years I’ve come to feel the same way. But, that can lead to problems. We can go to the meetings, no matter where, and hear the same message. Day after day and finally year after year. I can think to myself, same old same old, it’s getting to be boring.
At times, I have felt the same way myself. I know that others have slipped into the same malaise. I’ve heard them say it, and I have seen them slip away. I’ve hear it all and I know it all. Nothing is new. I need a break. I need a change.
I was just talking to an old friend of mine in the program. He said he went through the same thing and drifted away for several years. He didn’t drink, but, as time went on, he became crazier and crazier. He said he began to smash things in the house and all his old character defects came back. Finally, he returned to meetings. But, he said that he was absolutely crazy.
What he told me was that he had lost his concious contact with a Higher Power. He found himself going it alone. He had to come back and renew his acquaintance with the power he had found at the beginning, Who could empower him to lead this life.
What we tend to forget is that whatever we’re hearing is new everyday. This program is a living, breathing organism. The solution, the answer to all our difficulties is to be found everyday through the people, who come to these meetings. Spirituality for the alcoholic is not to be found in a vacuum. Solitude can be healthy at times, but isolation is not.
And, I think that’s what’s missing, when we start to slide into boredom. “I’ve heard this before! I’ve said this before! I’ve read this before!” We miss what’s underneath what we hearing, saying, and reading. God, as we understand Him, the Spirit is the underpinning and the whole basis of why we are here and what we are doing on a daily basis.
Our egos tell us that we can handle it alone. At times, I know that I felt that I was doing all this stuff myself. I’ve heard others say the same thing. At times. But, when I step back and look at all the history of others, when I can humble myself and think of all the wonderful things, which have occurred in my life, since I came in, my whole outlook changes. How can I possibly forget that I was freed from having to drink? How can I possibly forget that my whole life turned around and all the changes I went through, which were not possible in my thinking, when I got here? How can I possibly blithley push aside the truths I have learned?
Everyday is a day I must pray and adopt the attitude of hope and faith. It’s not always easy, especially, if I wake up with a bad attitude. Or sheer sloth reappears and tells me I don’t have to. Tom told me that no one said it would be easy. But it get’s easier, if I will but ask for the power to carry it out.
I don’t need to hear opinions. I need to hear the truth.