I hear a lot of people often say that they had a struggle with the word “sanity” in the second step. Possibly, because they couldn’t identify with insane thinking or actions, during their drinking careers. Makes me wonder. I know for myself, that on that score I had no problem with believing that I was crazy. No one could believe me otherwise, if they knew what I was thinking and how I acted.
Bill W. pretty much settled what the insanity was all about in the BB. He believed, and rightly so, that the insanity was rooted in our drinking. The very fact that an alcoholic would drink was insane. Alcoholics just can’t drink. Although, that’s what we do. We drink. We’re insane.
When it comes to alcohol we don’t think soberly or wisely. There’s no way we can have good judgement, when it comes to the choice of drinking or not drinking. We will always choose the drink, regardless of the consequences. Whether it kills us or someone else. We’re blinded by the drink and it is all consuming, so that it eliminates all other choices in our lives. I may say I love my wife and children, but the drink will always win out over them. The perfect definition of our being powerless. No matter how many times I swear I will never do it again, I do.
That’s what I was faced with, when I first came into the program. Powerless and insane. So, admission and acceptance of being powerless was just the start for all of us. The next step, dealing with the insanity of the next drink was a big one. Gigantic for so many of us. We had to find a way to not drink. Knowing we were powerless was not enough to keep us stopped. The thinking, the insanity of it, had to be held in check. And that’s where the solution came in.
Carl Jung, in trying to deal with this dilemma, knew exactly what powered the mind of an alcoholic. He speaks of this in the BB. He told Rowland H., “you have the mind of a chronic alcoholic”. He was telling Rowland and all of us like Rowland, you have a diseased mind. The disease in our bodies was governing the mind. No rational thinking could do anything about, anymore than our minds could control a disease like cancer. It was going to take a miracle. And that’s pretty much what Jung told Rowland. He was going to have to find something or someone, who could perform this miracle and depend on that. Rowland did and so did Bill and Dr. Bob, and all those who followed and stayed sober.
I don’t have the answers why this miracle does not work for everyone. I only know why it has worked for me. I came to believe….
Not all at once. It took the process of the steps. It took my surrender and acceptance and willingness to hang in and go through the process. It took surrender and acceptance for each step I took. Often my pride reared it’s ugly head and delayed the processs, but thank God, it didn’t stop it. At times I thought I knew better. At times I thought I was doing this. But, in the final analysis, I discovered, what all sober AA’s know, that it’s not me, but my Higher Power, who does all of this. The God of my understanding, who can help me control my defects and enable me to live a manageable life, one day at a time. I know it’s only for now. But, for everyday I have had, I am grateful.
Keep them coming.