Yesterday we talked about meditation and some of the difficulties we all had in working this step. A lot talked about their staying on track and meditating. From my own experience I know it’s hard to maintain the discipline of sticking to a regimen on a daily basis. One man spoke of how, early on, he was devoted to it and then, as time went on, he began to flag in his commitment. I can concur with his statement. I know how devoted I was and then it began to fade.
Today I thought about one of the benefits of doing this step. A state of mind. When I do commit to the attempt to meditate and try to improve my concious contact with God, I know that it changes the direction my mind might tend to go. For one thing, I feel more complete. Sounds dumb, but it’s a fact. I did what I was supposed to do on a daily basis. Part of the reprieve.
I remember a joke that used to go around AA. A man says to his sponsor that he’s afraid AA is brainwashing him. The sponsor replies that it’s ok, because his brain needed washing. When I think about that, it’s not far from the truth. Considering my state of mind, when I came in, it was going to take a lot of “washing”. It took a long time to yank out some of the patterns of thinking. It was like pulling teeth. Sometimes it seems it still is.
Meditation washes or “purifies” my mind. It’s like entering a new environment. Or it changes the environment. I’m not in the same neighborhood after I make myself do it. My mind is changed. As a result, everything is changed. Everything I see and experience is different. It tends to change everything I do. Whether that’s what’s supposed to be a result or it’s just a side effect I don’t know. I know it just is.
Bill talked about the first fruits of meditation as being emotional balance. That’s an immediate result. And, it’s one that has a lasting effect, if we follow through on the state of mind achieved from this kind of exercise.
But, I know that’s not the goal of meditation. It’s just a result. The immediate goal is to maintain a connection with our Higher Power on a daily basis and grow closer to Him. To form a relationship with Him. To remain in contact with Him throughout the day. That’s the state of mind necessary for me, if I am to live a sober life. To open the channel from my end, through which grace might flow in and through me. Whatever I garner from this contact is never mine to keep. It’s something I must convey to the still suffering alcoholic, be he old or new.
At some point in our sharing we have to tell those, who need it, that we have had such an awakening that we no longer need to drink again. The solution to their suffering and their all consuming obsession.
I pray that by God’s grace that I remember this and try to follow through, whether by example or by what I say.
And it’s not just the alcoholic I must consider. It’s in my relationship with others. The last part of the twelfth step.
That’s what I was thinking this morning.