A man I sponsor called me today. He said he hadn’t been going to many meetings, but that he had been down to NYC visiting and had been exposed to much drinking. After he got back, he and his partner were making a delivery and the man receiving the goods offered them a beer. He didn’t say anything, but his partner pointed to him and said “no thanks, He’s in recovery.” After they were outside he said to the man, that he had never told him that. The man said that he had told him he didn’t drink and he had assumed that he was in recovery. Then my pigeon said that he had gone to a meeting this morning and heard what he needed to hear and was going to double up on his meetings.
That’s the point I was thinking about. We hear what we want to hear. It all depends on what kind of ears we have. Sometimes we can be sober, but maybe our ears are still drunk. Or maybe we’re angry to start with and we hear things which make us angry.
I was at a meeting the other day and when I was called on, I deliberately took the time to preface my remarks in such a way, as to explain to the group that I was going to tell of my experience with the subject and in no way intended to influence anyone in the group. I told them that my experience was individual to me. Immediately afterewards I was followed by a number of people who were very angry in their delivery. They obviously felt a need to counter everything I had said. I had told them that in my experience with depression I had gone to counseling, and since antidepressants were in their infancy, I had never been exposed to them and that I had found a way out, which worked for me. The reponse was one in defense of using antidepressants and the need for them. They didn’t hear what I had said.
For my own part, when I would “listen” to someone, whom I didn’t like in the group, I would hear things which often upset me or made me angry. Through much work from my sponsor, he would often counsel me on how I was to listen.
When I would close my eyes and listen to their words, I found that what they were saying wasn’t what I thought they were saying. I can remember two classic examples for me. One was a man, whom I felt was stern and angry. The other was a woman, whom I felt was as phony as a three dollar bill. My sponsor made me move closer to these two people and look directly at them and to listen to every word they said. I did. The man left town for a year and when he came back to the group, he came up to me first and greeted me warmly. The woman and I became good friends and I had the priviledge of being with her in her final hours in this life.
From time to time I revert back to my prejudiced ears. Someone I don’t like the looks of, somebody’s pronunciation of words or their diction, someone’s actions who I have judged can irritate me to the point that I can hear what I want to hear them saying. I forget that love and tolerance is our code. I can forget that I am supposed to be practicing these principles in all of our affairs.
We can hear people who can drive us away from a group and maybe drive us away from our lifeline. A friend of mine, who went back out after ten years of sobriety, described to me just that. He said it started with one man and soon became the whole group and then other groups. Soon he was alone and drinking. It happens.
I hope that I can clean my hearing out and listen with open ears and an open mind. Just thinking this morning.
__________________________________________________
http://mail.yahoo.com