I think that’s a quote from John Kennedy in Berlin. I probably should have quoted Regan; “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” All of it refering to the Berlin wall. Not Kennedy. I think he was there when the Russians had cut off access to Berlin. The wall came later.
Anyway, the reason I’m writing all of this is because one of the subjects of our meeting today was about tearing down walls. The man, who brought it up, was talking about the fact that when he opened up in the past, he always went out and drank when he did. This time he said that he wanted to talk about opening up and tearing the walls he had built down without taking a drink because he did.
I think we all need a Regan or a sponsor calling out to us, “Mr. Ned, tear down this wall”. But the minute we do, what happens? We discover that we’re vulnerable. Someone else knows about us. Ministers and psychologists will tell us that it’s grounds for resentments. Many people, who are in counseling, end up resenting the person, who is working with them to help them, because why? Because the person they’re dealing with knows about them. They know their innermost secrets.
We’re really talking about the 5th step. Opening up and letting the sunshine in. The man, who wrote the pamphlet A Member’s Eye View of AA talks about this. He said how freeing that experience was. He said it was like standing naked before someone and them not laughing at us. It’s a moment of extreme responsibility on the part of both parties.
A moment so sacred that both the sponsee and the sponsor, or whoever receives that step, are both lifted up and put on a plane above the one they were on before the 5th step. It changes us.
Whenever we talk about a step like this, I always have to think, why am I doing this? I’m doing this to stay sober. That’s why. Everytime I have to reveal something about myself, I get a little more sober than I was before I did it. There was nothing spiritual in my thoughts about this before I did it. There was nothing in my thoughts that I would be a little bit better or more good as a result. There was only the thought that if I did this I could stay sober. The result was that I did become better, I did become a little more spiritual. But it was in spite of myself.
I think there are some days, when we balk at self revelation. But everyday is a day when we have the opportunity to push paranoia aside and maybe help another person, another alcoholic, because we open ourselves up and reveal the alcoholic in us to give them hope that they too can get or stay sober. I know it helps me stay sober. I want to stay that way now and everyday forward. I was told it takes what it takes. Right now I’m willing. I hope I remain that way.