I don’t know about you, but I’m a creature of habit. I have things within me which are deeply ingrained into my character. Add to that that I’m an alcoholic and you have a formula for potential disaster. Of course I hope not, but some habits are hard to break.
One of these is the feeling that when the weekend comes, it’s time to sit back and relax. Weekends were always a kind of holiday for me. A break from work or school. A time to rest.
In the past, and sometimes currently, I’ve even treated the program that way. Not to spend time so attentively or intensely as I do during the week. It’s time off. Or time out. Only there’s a problem with this kind of thinking and action or non action. Alcoholism doesn’t take a vacation.
Alcoholism is alive within me twenty-four hours a day. It’s there everyday I wake up and get out of bed. It walks in my shoes. It’s always present in the deepest part of me. It is only suspended from springing back into action for a brief period of my time. A day. One day. It has no weekends. It takes no holidays
I realize that it’s up to me to pay attention to what’s wrong with me. To attend to this disease and not let my guard down. At the same time I realize that I’m powerless over alcohol and that my only reprieve is my dependence on a power greater than myself. That my help comes from the God of my understanding and that I need to spend a moment asking for his help and his will for me this day and the power to carry that out.
Anyway, I was thinking about this this morning. Kind of a wake up call for me. I called another alcoholic and we talked for a few minutes. I need to stay connected and be reminded everyday.